To be Found
by Raychel
Summary: Elliot Stabler is about to endure the most horrible thing that could possibly happen... Eventually EO but NON EO people will probably appreciate the story... give it a try. This story has TURNED MATURE... not that it matters... COMPLETE.
1. Falling

AN: This is a VERY different story then I have ever wrote... yes... it's true... I am going off the radar for a second. Please tell me what you think... and if you like it I will continue, if you don't... then let me know too :)

Elliot Stabler put his key into the lock of his house, he had just dropped off his partner Olivia Benson and it had been a long night. Three rapes... Elliot shook off the disgusted feeling of having to see how those women had been tortured, his job was not easy... no it was not the type of job just anyone could do. You had to have the passion, the mentality for it... Elliot was wavering, he had to admit. Only a month ago he had been in the arms of death once again, knowing he was done for... Olivia had come to his rescue. She had gone to disgusting lengths to save his life, leaving him with a whole new attitude towards her. New Emotions... emotions he had suppressed since the moment he found out that his wife Kathy was pregnant with their fifth child. Elliot kicked himself for going back to her and being weak for one night... it had been his chance with Olivia but she had left... got freaked out by her own emotions.

"Elliot is that you?" Kathy was awake, she was downstairs in her robe watching some television.

"Yeah it's me." Elliot shut the door and double locked it.

"Wanna come watch this movie with me? It's just starting?" Kathy looked tired, hell she sounded tired as well.

"Kathy it's ten PM... don't you have work in the morning?" Elliot asked her, trying to not sound accusing... their marriage therapist had brought that up in their last session. You see Elliot was catholic, he was not a man to quit on his marriage, it had been Kathy who had made the move to divorce him a while back. Elliot had never let go of that anger... his wife leaving and then soon after his partner left him... he had been abandoned by the two most important women in his life.

"They took me off of the schedule for some reason, told me to take a week or two..." It was then that Elliot studied his wife's face, she looked awful. Granted she always had the look of exhaustion on her... but this time it was different.

"I didn't know that you've been sick," Elliot came to sit down next to her on the couch.

"I'm not, I just feel off is all..."

"Maybe you should go to the doctor." Elliot should have taken her hand... should have put an arm around her.... shown some type of affection but he just did not feel it. He could not pretend to do something that didn't feel right.

"I'm OK El, really I'm fine... just a little tired." Kathy did not look convinced but she was hard headed and Elliot knew this too well about his wife.

"Why don't I make us some hot chocolate or something?" Elliot offered and she smiled, taking the time to touch his hand and squeeze it. It was ice cold and Elliot felt something stir in his stomach.

"You're really trying aren't you?" Kathy mustered up a smile and Elliot nodded, despite the sick feeling he was having as she held his hand.

"Yeah... I really am." Elliot released her hand to get up to go to the kitchen. Taking out two mugs, his cell went off and he cursed under his breath, "What the fuck now?" Elliot took out his phone and looked down to see that it was Olivia. She used to be in his phone as Liv... but when Kathy had pointed it out to him she had made him change it to Benson. Kathy was under the impression that Elliot had been with Olivia while they were separated... in a way Elliot wished he had tried something with Olivia but shit happens.

"You're not in bed yet are you?" Olivia asked after he answered the phone.

"About to make some hot chocolate, why what's up?"

"Someone just reported another body..." Olivia paused as Elliot struggled to answer her, "El if you want I can call Fin or someone else to handle it with me."

"No Liv... no it's-"

"It's late and unlike you I don't have a family to take care of... so make that hot chocolate and I'll call you if it gets bad ok?" Olivia was too good to him, Elliot wanted to cry out in frustration at how good she was to him. It seemed like no matter what he did she still cared about him, still went out of her way to make him happy... what kind of a person does that? _Someone who cares about you,_ Elliot thought to himself. Sometimes he wished that Olivia did care so much, he wished that she didn't make herself so amazing... Elliot, trying to rebuild his marriage had neglected Olivia through some hard cases, it had been a tough choice... his partner or his wife? Kathy had threatened to leave him so many times if he didn't' succumb to what she wanted.

"Thanks Liv." Was all Elliot could say to he and he hung up. What else was he supposed to say? 'Thanks for being the best friend in the entire world for me? Why are you so good to me when all I've done is treat you like hell?' Elliot shook his head as if to rid the thoughts from him, he focused on making the hot chocolate. As he boiled the water he went to the fridge to see if there was any whipped cream and a picture caught his eyes. It was the same torturous picture that he had to endure every time he opened up the refrigerator. It was of Olivia on his son's birthday, Kathy and she had been a really bad wreck and Olivia helped deliver his son Eli... Olivia was wearing a blue sweater as she held the newborn. Kathy had spoke that she would forever be grateful to Olivia for saving her life as well as their son's life. To Elliot it was just another reminder of how much Olivia had done for him.

"El?" Kathy called to him from the living room sounding strange.

"Yeah Hon?"

"El I think I'm going to head to bed, I'm all of the sudden starting feel dizzy..." Kathy sounded like was not feeling well at all, Elliot abandoned the kitchen to go to Kathy's side and she looked like she was struggling to see.

"Kathy... what's wrong?" Elliot helped to steady her and she just shook her head.

"I... I'm having a hard time seeing." This was not good... not good at all. Elliot could hear the kettle begin to scream but he did not leave Kathy. It must have woken up the whole household because Elliot's second oldest daughter Kathleen appeared.

"The kettles going off!!" She called down. There was a cry from Eli's room and Elliot's twin's Dickie and Lizzie showed up.

"Is everything OK?" Lizzie called.

"Kathleen can you grab Eli, Lizzie get the kettle... your mom is-" But Kathy had collapsed into Elliot's arms and there was commotion.

"Mom!" The kids cried out, Kathleen ran to hush Eli as Lizzie and Dickie ran downstairs.

"Call 911." Elliot ordered his son who did so, Lizzie ran to take the kettle off of the stove.

"Kathy?" Elliot whispered to her but she was completely limp, he put an ear to her mouth, she was still breathing.

"They're on there way I told them you were a cop dad so they would hurry... mom?" Dickie and Lizzie came over to attempt to help their mother but Elliot put up a hand.

"It's going to be okay kids, I promise." Elliot heard sirens approaching and relief gripped him, "Go flag them down Dick." Elliot told his son, Lizzie was now in tears. Kathleen must have still been upstairs with Eli which made Elliot somewhat glad, the baby did not need to see his mother like this.

"She's in here." Lizzie called and the paramedics rushed in.

"How long has she been out?" A man asked him.

"About ten minutes, she was saying that she was dizzy... tired." Elliot let them take her and could feel tears sting his eyes. Thank God Olivia had made him stay at home... if he hadn't...

"We're going to transport her, do you want to follow?" A girl asked Elliot and he nodded.

"Dad?" Kathleen called from upstairs.

"It's going to be OK, can you watch your-"

"Yeah just go dad, I'll call Maureen." That was Elliot's oldest daughter and he was grateful to have such wonderful children.

"I love you, I love you." He told them all, kissing Lizzie on the head and hugging Dickie before running out to his car, following the ambulance... willing himself to not break.

************SVU*************SVU****************

"She's cold." Fin Tutuola shook his head as he felt for a pulse of the victim. Olivia closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, CPS was already there combing the scene.

"How have we not caught this guy?" Olivia asked no one in particular.

"We'll get him Liv." Fin stood up to touch her shoulder.

"Detectives!" One of the new CPS staff called to them, "I found something you might want to see." Olivia and Fin made their way over to a room that was covered with pictures, news articles, clipping of things that dated back ten years. They were all threats... deaths....

"So was he stalking her?" Olivia looked at Fin as they looked over the room.

"Dan Manillo." Fin read, "These are all about a man named Dan Manillo."

"Finally a hit." Olivia pulled out her phone to call John Munch, sergeant at SVU as well a detective, she gave him the name and waited as he ran it.

"Well he's got a record... only thing is he croaked in Attica." This news was not something Olivia wanted to hear.

"So in other words we're still in a boat without a paddle."

"Basically."

"Thanks John." Olivia hung up and shook her head to Fin, "Dan is dead... so it couldn't be him doing all of this."

"Well Shit." Fin bit his lip, "We'll get this guy Liv... we'll get the ass." Fin reassured her and she nodded, "You need a ride home?"

"I have my car." Olivia replied.

"I'll follow you, just to make sure-"

"Fin..." Olivia understood why he felt the need to protect her, she had been through more then anyone knew... Fin was easy to talk to these things about. Olivia's partner Elliot was another story. They had so much history that it was like adding onto a huge book of things they never talked about... Elliot had no idea who close Olivia had been to being raped a year ago... he had no idea that Olivia had PTSD and was going to counseling. Fin knew, he was her friend but not as close as Elliot, it wasn't as complicated with Fin, he was there for her, supported her but it didn't go any further. With Elliot... the emotions tangled between them was so congested that Olivia felt that if she were to open up to Elliot he would find a way to try to fix it, while Fin found a way to just be there for her.

"You know it's only because I care about you Liv and because it's for-"

"My own safety... I know, I know." Olivia half smiled at him as they left the scene, "I'll get the paperwork done tomorrow, right now I'm beat." Olivia had Fin follow her to her car, he waited as she got in and locked the doors, then he got into his own car. Leaving the house, she turned on the radio... her police radio. She didn't know why she liked listening to it, it actually wasn't about it being so nice to listen to... it was just that this was her job. This was how she distracted from everything... to keep it all going was something she needed. It was her mask.

"Come in 21," A woman's voice spoke. 21? That was Queens, Olivia all of the sudden felt a knot in her stomach and she held her breath as she listened intently.

"This is 21 over."

"Kathy Stabler, age 42..." That was when Olivia slammed on her breaks, causing Fin to do the same. Olivia's phone went off, she knew it was Fin. Should she go? Olivia had interferred to so much that there should have been a law against it...

"Liv what are you doing?" Fin had left his vehicle, turning on the police light to let people know they could pass him. Olivia rolled down her window and just shook her head.

"I just heard on the radio... Kathy is being transported to St. Ann's."

"El's wife?" Fin's eyes showed deep concern and then he shook his head, putting a hand on Olivia's shoulder, "Don't do it Liv."

"He's my partner." Olivia insisted.

"He's more then that... did he call you?" When Fin asked her this she stiffened, No Elliot had not called her, he had not called her to let her know that anything had happened.

"No." Olivia forced out.

"It's not your business Liv."

"Yes... it is." Olivia was struggling, what to do? What should she do?? As if someone had heard her thoughts, her phone went off and she looked down. It was a call from Kathleen, Elliot's daughter, "Kathleen?" Olivia answered looking at Fin who looked relieved that she had gotten a connection.

"Liv, mom was taken to the hospital." Kathleen sounded in tears, "Maureen is on her way but Eli, he won't stop crying and Lizzie is up in her room crying her eyes out while Dickie is actually cleaning, he's cleaning Liv... he never cleans... Liv... can you? Um... will you..."

"I'll be there as soon as I can." Olivia answered Kathleen's question and she head the girl let out a relieved sob.

"Thank you." They hung up and Liv looked back up at Fin.

"Go." Fin told her and she nodded, tears forming in her eyes.

"Thank you." She mouthed to him as she put on her siren and headed to Elliot's house. It took her only a few minutes, wiping away her tears, she had to be strong for them, that was why Kathleen had called.

"Liv!" Kathleen threw herself into Olivia's arms as Eli whaled, "He won't stop... Liv he won't stop crying, I've tried everything." Kathleen had allowed Olivia to take her god son into her arms and shush him.

"He's probably feeling the tension and anxiety," Olivia rocked Eli who kept crying, burying his head into her shoulder.

"Olivia?" Dickie appeared, "Lizzie, Liv's here!" A door opened from upstairs, Lizzie ran down and threw herself on Olivia. Then Dickie, then Maureen... if Olivia had not appreciated her breathing before then, she did now.

"Can't breathe guys..." Olivia said to them and they all let go.

"Sorry." Lizzie looked down.

"Don't even apologize, now why don't we all go into the kitchen and... well your dad was making hot chocolate right?" The kids all nodded, "Then that's what we'll do, I'll warm up some milk for Eli and you guys can have some hot chocolate."

"We need to go to the hospital." Dickie cut in.

"Dickie shut up!" Lizzie turned on her twin brother, "Dad said we would be fine!! He said mom would be fine! She just fainted!" Lizzie looked like she was going to hit Dickie but he dodged her.

"Hey, stop it." Olivia got firm, "Now I know you guys are upset but it won't help your mother if you beat the crap out of one another. You're a family, you need each other the most right now." Olivia turned to Dickie, "I know that your dad is the man of the house..." Olivia started.

"Dad's had this talk with me Liv, I know that when he's gone-"

"That you are to help your sisters and little brother right?" Olivia prodded him.

"Right." Dickie looked up at her.

"Even men of the house can have hot chocolate so come on." Olivia had them follow her to the kitchen, Eli was still fussing but not as much. Kathleen put the kettle back onto the stove while Lizzie looked at the kettle as if it were an omen of death.

"Dad was making hot chocolate when that happened to mom." Lizzie looked like she was close to tears again, "What if... what if..." The girl cut herself off as if she had no idea what she was saying but Olivia knew exactly what she was talknig about... Lizzie had been traumatized by seeing her mother in such a state... that for fear of making hot chocolate perhaps something would happen to someone else too.

"Lizzie, I understand your fear sweetie... I understand completely." Olivia looked her in the eye and her blue eyes wre glazed over, "But nothing is going to happen..." Olivia prayed to God that it didn't... because if something else did happen... then well... these kids would be worse off then they were now.

AN: So it wasn't my usual... what do you think?


	2. You are Family

AN: Here is chapter two... in case you guys liked it.

Elliot paced the corridor, Kathy was in with the doctor, she was still unconscious... how had this happened? What the hell was wrong with his wife? Elliot looked down at his phone, thinking about calling Olivia but in a sick way felt guilty of it. Olivia had come to the rescue so much that he felt if he called her it would just be the same thing?

"I need my best friend." Elliot shook his head into his hands, he could not call his kids yet because he had nothing to tell. Maureen had probably gotten there, they were probably OK by now. Elliot rolled his eyes, what kind of a father was he? Of course his kids were not fine, they saw their mother limp in his arms, looking closer to death then anything. Elliot put his phone away, he decided against it... no he was going to try to do this by himself... no matter how hard it was because he needed to prove to Olivia that he could do things on his own... if Olivia thought her was weak then... well...

"Mr. Stabler?" The moment he heard his name being called by a doctor, Elliot was alert.

"Yes? How is she? Is she ok?" Elliot went over to the doctor.

"Perhaps we should sit down." NEVER good words... NEVER a good answer... Elliot was too aware of the system... he knew how this worked. The doctor was about to tell him something grave, this was when Elliot wished that he had called Olivia. Trying to keep his heart from exploding Elliot took a seat and looked at the doctor.

"It appears that your wife suffered an aneurysm... due to..." The doctor paused, "Your wife has stage three cancer Mr. Stabler, the CT scan showed a tumor in the left lobe... it's completely embedded... there's nothing we can do. If we started chemo she would have maybe a month."

"Uh..." Elliot could not speak, no this was not happening. How could this be happening? How... why? It was unacceptable and he refused to accept it... he began to shake his head as if it might change the doctor's mind, maybe the doctor had it all wrong... maybe...

"I know this is hard for you, we do have people who help with the process."

"How long doctor?" Elliot dared to ask.

"Your wife has a week... maybe two." No, it was too much. Elliot stood up to find the nearest bathroom, luckily there was one in close range. Heaving over the toilet Elliot emptied his stomach, as if his body was also rejecting this news. Was it really ending this way? Was... this really how it was supposed to end? Elliot hit the side of the stall, angry screams muffled by his crying. How... could he do this? How... was it possible? That was when his phone went off, no it was too soon... he could not tell his kids.... no....

"Hi baby." Elliot answered the call, it was Kathleen who sounded like she was in the room with a bunch of people.

"Daddy what's wrong? Dickie shut off the music, Daddy what is it?"

"Sweetie... it's not good... oh baby." Elliot began to weep into the phone, how could he tell his daughter.

"Daddy? What's wrong? Daddy why are you crying?" There was movement, "Olivia... Dad is crying." When he heard her name Elliot's heart broke even more, Olivia was there... at his house helping his children, "El? What's wrong?" Olivia was now on the phone, the tears came harder.

"Liv don't tell them." Elliot pleaded like a child, "Don't... it's not... Liv..."

"Breathe El... whatever it is we'll get through it." Olivia sounded like she had gone into another room, "I am alone now, El tell me what happened?"

"The kids can't know... they can't-"

"I'm coming down there."

"No, no don't leave them."

"Your kids are pretty damn strong Elliot, Maureen will be here any second and when she does I'm coming down to the hospital." Olivia paused, "You're all alone El... you shouldn't be alone."

"Liv?" Elliot sniffed.

"Yeah?"

"It's bad..." Was all Elliot could say, he could not bring himself to say it... he just could not.

"I know." Olivia sounded like she wanted to cry too, "I can hear it in your voice.... Oh, she's here. El I'm on my way OK?"

"OK." Elliot did not want to hang up with her, no he needed her. But Olivia was off and he was back in that bathroom having to face it, he wanted to run... punch something. Anything... god he needed to die.

***********SVU************************

"Liv what did he say?" Kathleen demanded as Olivia handed her back her phone.

"He didn't tell me," Olivia told her and she accepted it knowing that Olivia would have told her if she knew, "I am going to the hospital to be with your father, Maureen is here so... you will be OK." Olivia pulled Kathleen into a hug, then with Lizzie and kissed Eli. Dickie refused to hug her, he was going through something internally and she understood.

"Liv, thank you for coming." Maureen thanked Olivia, her face tear streaked.

"Always sweetie." Olivia hugged her too and then left, rushed to her car and put on her siren. She arrived at the hospital and willed herself to stay strong... she needed to stay strong. Elliot had sounded so broken on the phone, "El." Olivia saw him hunched in a chair, his head shot up and once he saw her he shook with sobs once again. Throwing logic out the window Olivia ran to him and wrapped her arms around him, he held her so tight she did not resist.

"Shhh... it's going to be OK... it's going to be-"

"She's dying Liv." This was like lead in Olivia's stomach.

"What?!" She was in disbelief, "What do you mean?"

"Brain tumor..." Elliot shook his head, "She has a week... and a half at most." Elliot began to cry again and Olivia could feel her own tears begin to flow.

"El... there are no words... I am so... sorry." Olivia knew that this would not take away his pain but she had to say something, anything.

"Mr. Stabler?" The doctor approached, "Is this your friend?"

"Yes, I'm his partner and best friend... doctor is it as bad as-"

"I'm afraid so, Mr. Stabler I'm afraid that Kathy has slipped into a coma... I fear she will not awake before she... she will go peacefully." The doctor was grim, "Would you like to see her?"

"I... don't know.... if I can..." Elliot locked his eyes with Olivia's and she made sure he knew what she was thinking.

"You can... I will go with you. I will hold your hand the whole way..." Olivia took his hands in hers and he took in some deep breaths, "I am not leaving you." Olivia promised him, "Do you understand me? I am not going anywhere."

"I can't do this Liv." Elliot admitted to her and she nodded.

"I know... but you have to." The doctor said nothing but watched the two.

"OK." Elliot finally answered, "I'll go see her." Elliot allowed Olivia to help him up, she wrapped an arm around his waist while holding his other hand.

"You can do this... you can be strong for your children El... shh it's OK." Olivia wanted to cry herself into oblivion but she would break later, she needed to stay strong.

"Liv..." Elliot kept saying her name and she knew that he was in shock, as they were lead to Kathy's room she could feel Elliot pull back, "I can't." He shook his head over and over again, "Liv I can't."

"Come on El..." Olivia helped him through the door and she felt his whole body tense when they saw Kathy laying there. She looked so peaceful, like she was sleeping... she did not know what was happening.... she looked like she was an angel.

"She's still alive El, she's not gone yet." Olivia reminded him, "Let yourself be with her now, let yourself feel." Olivia talked him through it as they came to stand next to her bed. Elliot got down on his knees, holding onto Kathy's hand... Olivia kept her hand on his shoulder.

"Kathy..." Elliot sobbed, "My...wife... please... I know you can hear me." Elliot spoke to her, Olivia began to step away but Elliot's free hand caught hers, "Liv don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere El... I'm right here." Olivia reassured him. Elliot, accepting this went back to talking to his wife.

"It's too bad it had to end this way... I wish... God I wish that things could have been better, I wish that I had been a better husband, a better father... know that I did love you Kathy..." In between Elliot's speech Olivia caught the phrase that he _did_ love her, "I can't let you go without telling you the truth..." Elliot took in a deep breath, "Despite everything Kathy I will always love you... you're my wife, the mother of my children and I'm sorry that we fell out of love so long ago... you... you mothered my children, gave me a family... I never wanted it to end like this Kathy... I never did." Elliot kissed Kathy's hand as Olivia kept a grip on Elliot's shoulder.

"Mr. Stabler? I'm sorry to interrupt but... your children are here." A nurse came in.

"What?!" Olivia and Elliot both cried out together.

"El I told them to stay there, I-"

"It's OK Liv... it's OK." Elliot turned to her, his face red from crying, "Liv..."

"I can talk to them El," Olivia offered.

"No it has to be me, I'm their father."

"Then we'll tell them together." Olivia took his hand once again and helped him to his feet, his hand held hers like it might fall off and she did not protest. As they left Kathy's room, they went out to the waiting room where it only Dickie and Kathleen.

"I had to know what's going on Dad... I..." Dickie saw his fathers face and paled. Kathleen looked from her father to Olivia and her eyes began to pool with tears.

"How bad?" She sobbed, "Daddy... I can see in your eyes that it's bad..." Kathleen began to shake. Dickie put an arm around his sister but she pushed him away, going at her father, "You knew she was feeling bad, you knew it! And you did nothing! Whatever is happening to her is your fault!" Kathleen's words stung and Olivia pushed Elliot behind her.

"Kathleen I know your upset, you have every right to be but blaming your father is not the way." Olivia lectured the girl, "Now listen to me, it's bad, yes. But it is hard enough for your father to be going through this and have you blame him... this is no ones fault. No one could have stopped it, do you understand me?"

"I'm sorry... Daddy I'm so sorry... just please... tell me." Kathleen now accepted her brothers arms and Elliot came to stand before his daughter.

"You're mother has stage three cancer." Elliot told her, he had turned his demeanor around and Olivia soared with pride and pain at the same time, "It's going to be OK... we will get through this as a family..."

"How long?" Dickie's voice broke as Kathleen threw her arms around her father who held her to him, "Dad how long?"

"A week son." Elliot's voice broke and Kathleen whaled out in anger, pain... grief.

"NO!" Dickie kicked the closest wall and Olivia went to him, he tried to push her away but she refused, pulling him into her arms, Dickie stopped resiting and allowed himself to be held.

"This isn't happening... right? It's not..." Kathleen was in hysterics.

"We'll get through this." Elliot told her firmly, "We will get through this, we are Stabler's... we will get through this." Elliot looked at at his son in Olivia's arms, "Come here." Olivia released Dickie to his father and she watched as he held his two children, allowing them to cry with him. Olivia refused to cry, she could not break... no... she wouldn't.

"Can we see her?" Dickie asked after a minute or two.

"She's in a coma." Elliot told them, before Kathleen began to freak out again he comforted her, "But she can still hear you... you can talk to her... she will still hear you." Elliot told Kathleen who nodded but was still in tears.

"Can we just go? The three of us?" Kathleen asked her father who looked apprehensive, Olivia knew he was struggling with doing this alone.

"Yeah." Elliot told her in almost a whisper, "Liv..."

"I'll be right here." Olivia told him and his eyes spoke something she had never seen, was it gratitude? Maybe... but it looked like something so much more. They disappeared through the double doors and Olivia fell into a chair. Pulling out her phone she called Fin.

"Liv, been waiting on you to call what's going on?"

"It's worse then... god Fin I had no idea." Olivia began to cry.

"What happened? Is Kathy OK?"

"No... she's worse... she's... dying Fin." Olivia felt like she might vomit but refused to.

"What...?" Fin sounded in disbelief, "Why? How? What..."

"Cancer."

"Oh my god." Fin sighed into the phone, "Well how is Elliot?"

"How do you think?"

"Stupid question," Fin paused, "How are you?"

"Trying to keep it together." Olivia nodded feeling herself get dizzy, "El is in there right now with Dickie and Kathleen... they came to the hospital."

"Do you need me?" Fin's question to Olivia was an automatic yes... she did need someone... she did... but how could she be there for Elliot if she herself had someone else with her?

"Yes I do... I do need you but-"

"I get it Liv, it's OK... when are you planning on leaving the hospital?" Fin was wide awake now.

"I don't know... when Elliot is ready for me to."

"Do you want to come here?" Fin's offer made her want to cry more, never knowing she could have such good friends... she smiled slightly.

"Yes." She sniffled, grateful for Fin, so grateful he might not never know how grateful.

"OK, well I'll come get you, just call me OK?"

"thank you..."

"Liv, I know you want to be strong for Elliot... but you gotta stay strong too baby girl."

"I know Fin... oh their coming back out, I'll call you." Olivia closed her phone and stood up to look at Elliot who seemed to have regained his composure.

"The kids want to go home and get some things... the doctors okayed it for them to stay the night." Elliot looked down, "How do I say this without sounding like an ungrateful bastard?"

"You want me to go." Olivia could see the pain in his eyes as if he were torn.

"It's not that-"

"El, it's OK. I understand... it's OK..." Olivia pulled him into a tight hug.

"This is a family thing." She told him and he looked like he wanted to say something but didn't, "Call me if you need me..." Olivia looked at him before turning to leave.

"But you are family." She heard Elliot say quietly, she refused to let him see the tears fall as she hurried out of the hospital.

TA DAAAAAAAAAAAAA

So what do you think?

....my loyal readers?

AND ALSO, I am filming night scenes at the moment so... I can post during the day.


	3. Surreal

AN: Thank you for the reviews!!!

Fin came to the hospital after Olivia had called him to tell him where she was, it took him no time and she decided to leave her car and just ride with him. There was no way she could drive in her state, she felt angry, numb... weak...

"I wish I knew what to say Liv." Fin told her after what seemed like eons, "I wish I could take the pain away... but I can't..." Fin was calm, this was a good thing for Olivia. She needed as much stability as she could get at the moment and she was grateful for Fin's gesture of friendship.

"I could use a drink..." Olivia muttered and Fin reached over to take her hand.

"You don't need a drink Liv... some tea or something..." Fin was firm, "Don't turn to alcohol." Olivia closed her eyes as she thought about the fact that it would have been easy to become an alcoholic, after all her mother had been one... Olivia knew that drinking was not the answer right now, it never was. Drinking for her was usually to wind down after a case... to relax... but right now she felt like she needed to numb herself completely from what was going on.

"I feel like running." Olivia admitted to him as he stopped at a red light.

"Running to where?" Fin implored sounding concerned.

"Just... running... leaving...."

"I know baby girl... I know..." Fin kept squeezing her hand and she squeezed back, his hand comforting hers she allowed herself to close her eyes, willing the tears to stay in.

"Alright, here we are, now if you want some wine or something I can do that... but no way am I letting you get hammered Liv."

"Thank you..." Olivia truly meant it, she knew that he was aware of her situation and to be a good enough friend to not let her turn to something that could swallow her whole, she would forever be in debt to him.

"You hungry at all? I can order some take out." Fin had gotten out of the car and came over to Olivia's side to help her out. He did not live in a big house, it was small but cozy looking from the outside.

"I couldn't eat if you paid me to." Olivia shuddered and he nodded in understanding.

"Let's get inside." Olivia followed him up his porch steps and was surprised to see how nice his house was, "Wow..." She couldn't help saying, "Fin this is actually nice."

"Thanks," Fin paused, "I think." He dared to smile at her but she could not bring the edges of her mouth to agree with what she wanted to form so she just looked at the floor. Fin showed her the living room and she sat down, sinking into his sofa. Fin turned on the Television for distraction and went to the kitchen to get a bottle of wine and two glasses. Olivia had the urge to just take the whole bottle and down it... but that would defeat the purpose of what she was trying not to do.

"I'm an idiot." Olivia spoke up ad Fin poured the wine.

"No you're not." Fin argued with her.

"I... I am... you know I don't know what to do. Stay out of it, they're not my family-"

"Elliot considers you family Liv, your his closest to kin and emergency contact so... Elliot considers you family. His kids loves you, Kathy-" But Fin cut himself off because just saying her name made Olivia struggle with not fainting for emotion.

"What's going to happen to Eli?" Olivia was used to talking to Fin... and he would listen. He was not like Elliot where there was always a solution to everything or a dead end, Fin would sit there, take her in and just let her ramble, "Poor Eli... what is going to happen to him? Never knowing his mother? Having to live with the fact that he never got to meet her..." Olivia loved that baby, he was special to her... after keeping him alive as he entered the world she and Elliot's son connected. Olivia was the first to hold him to her heart, she was the first one he saw, clung to as his mother had battled for her life that day and had won.

"Don't do this to yourself," Fin shook his head slightly, "Don't do this Liv... don't go there."

"But Fin, how is Elliot going to handle this? How is he going to deal with the grief of it all?" Olivia began to shake due to the nausea that hit her, it was the fact that she cared way too much. Her whole heart was invested in Elliot and his family, they were the closest thing she had to a family.

"He has you." Three words... those three words made Olivia crumble once more, the tears began to invade her eyes and Fin had put her arms around her.

"I don't know if I can keep being the strong one." Olivia admitted.

"You don't always have to be strong Liv, if Elliot knows that you're in pain too... he won't feel as separated... he needs to know how you feel." Fin placed his forehead on Olivia's as she sobbed quietly.

"It's the line... that should doesn't know when to be crossed Fin... what is the line? And how far am I willing to cross it?"

"How much do you love him?" Fin's question did not make Olivia scowl or make a face at him... or deny anything... this was no time to pretend.

"Love isn't the word for it... it's... more then love, he's a part of me." Olivia felt her throat get tight, "If he is falling, I fall too..."

"You're love will keep him together... Liv this is a shitty, fucked up thing but Elliot needs you, don't turn away, don't run away.... you can't abandon him at a time like this." Fin spoke true and Olivia found herself nodding.

"I will never leave him.... ever." Olivia promised out loud and she intended to keep the promise... she would never leave Elliot again. She decided that whatever happened, she refused to run.

************SVU******************SVU*******************

Elliot awoke in a hospital chair, his kids sleeping soundly in the room. So this was happening? It wasn't just a nightmare he was having? He noticed that Lizzie was awake, looking out of the window, her blond hair a mess.

"Liz?" Elliot said to her making her jump.

"Daddy." Lizzie ran into his arms and he cradled her in his lap. Once again the tears flowed, his own mixed with his daughters.

"I keep telling myself that this isn't happening... that it can't be happening. Why would God do this to us?" Lizzie shook her head, "But it is happening isn't it? This is real... isn't it daddy?" Elliot looked at his daughter with a sense of pride from her maturity.

"Yes honey it's very real and... God has his reasons... it's your mom's time to go. When God decides to take us we can't argue." Elliot wiped his eyes as fresh tears came.

"Daddy?" Kathleen awoke.

"Yes baby?"

"Oh god... it's still happening." Kathleen looked over at her mother and crawled to her bedside, "Mommy... can you hear me? Mommy...please don't die... you can't leave us." Lizzie left Elliot's lap and went to her sister.

"Katie... mom doesn't want to leave us..." Lizzie wrapped her arms around her sister and they cried in each others arms. Elliot was astounded at his children, their strength seemed greater then his. _I am a good father,_ Elliot thought to himself. He had to be to have such strong willed children. Elliot took out his phone to see if Olivia had called. There was one new message and he listened to it.

"Hey El... it's Liv. I didn't call because I didn't want to wake you. I'm calling to tell you I'm here for you, you're not alone... I will be by my phone and the captain knows what's going on so if you need me at all... I will be there.... bye." Olivia's voice reminded him that it might be ok. Then looking back at his wife it hit him, it wouldn't be ok. His wife was leaving him... leaving him again... he couldn't help but be angry with her. On some level he knew that this was no one's fault... but he was angry.

"I'm going to get some coffee... you kids want some soda or something?" Elliot stood up from his chair, he needed to get away, needed to leave the scene. He needed to breathe.

"We're fine daddy... thank you." Kathleen sniffled, her eyes puffy from crying.

"I love you." Elliot kissed them and left the room. Waves of sadness, fear, anger began to strike him and he found himself outside, needing to feel like this was not happening... this was not reality. Elliot wanted to call Olivia... he felt horrible for having her come to his side and then push her away. He knew that she understood but it wasn't enough for him.

"El?" Olivia answered her phone after he finally made the choice to call her.

"Hi Liv." Elliot's voice was almost gone, from the screaming and the crying he was losing it.

"How are you?" It was such a small question but so big... it was something you asked anyone and they would usually respond with a "fine," or "good, you?" But Elliot was not fine and he wasn't about to tell her he was.

"Thank you." Elliot told her, knowing she knew what he meant.

"You know that I am always here for you... always." Olivia promised him.

"I know Liv... you've proved that to me so many times... so many it's made me feel like I don't deserve it." After the events taking place, Elliot came to a realization that anything could happen... anything and he did not want Olivia to be hidden from anything anymore.

"It's not about deserving it Elliot, it's because you're my best friend... my..." Olivia's voice drifted off and he closed his eyes.

"You're mine too Liv... I am so thankful for your friendship..." Elliot could feel his chest tighten, "I don't know where to go from here... I don't know..." Elliot admited to her.

"Take one step at a time." She told him, "Take on breath at a time."

"She'll be gone in-"

"Don't think like that El, think about how she is here right now. She is not gone yet and she will never be gone... I know it might feel like it but you're not alone."

"But I am alone, I am... I am the only one going through this, the pain... the... yes I have you to help me, I have my kids but I am the only one in the position to have to handle it all." Olivia was quiet after he told her this so he went on, "Everything is up to me now... Liv... I feel so guilty... I never got to tell Kathy everything. I never got to tell her that even though things were bad she still meant so much to me, even though we weren't in love anymore that I still loved her." Elliot spoke true, he had fallen out of love with his wife many years ago but never stopped loving her.

"She knows El... she knew... and she loves you too." Olivia's words made him fall to the ground on his knees.

"I should have been better... I should have done better..."

"Don't beat yourself up El, you did the best you could and still are." Olivia never let him down, how could she be like this to him... after everything? After all of the shit he ever pulled?

"Why are you so good to me?" Elliot turned angry, "Huh? Why do you insist on being so god damn good to me when all I've done is treat you like shit?"

"El-"

"No, I wasn't there for you in Sealview, I wasn't there for you when you witnessed so many things... I was never there for you... and here you are being here for me. Like... like it doesn't matter that I never acted like I cared."

"Because I know you Elliot, I know you more then anyone else. You push people away, I know that you wee struggling with your marriage and with a new baby, I never held any of that against you!" Olivia's tone was not harsh, it was not angry, not cold... it was comforting.

"You should hate me." Elliot began to cry again, "You should... hate me Olivia... God knows I do." As if knowing what he needed her heard her get up from her desk over the phone.

"I'm coming to you El," she told him.

"You don't-" Elliot started but she cut him off.

"I'll be there soon." Click. How did she do that? How did she read his mind like that? She did know him better then anyone else... Elliot did not go get coffee. He did not go back to the hospital room... no, he stayed where he was as if it might stop time, might stop everything. It seemed like it had only been seconds when he felt a hand on his arm, he knew that touch.

"El..." Olivia sighed, looking at him.

"So what brings you here?" Elliot tried to lighten the mood, failing miserably.

"A heart broken friend." Olivia pulled him into her arms and he wept again... and again...

**************SVU **************** SVU********************

Olivia walked Elliot back into the hospital, fingers entwined with his. She could tell how lost he was... she was his guide with only one hand.

"Daddy?!" Kathleen came running through the hospital doors, "Daddy! It's mom! Come quick." The two took off in a run after Kathleen and Elliot saw the rest of his children out in the hallway as nurses and doctors rushed in.

"What's going on?" Elliot pushed through, keeping tight of Olivia's hand.

"Clear!" A woman yelled, "Charge!"

"No... no... it's too soon... NOOO." Elliot tried to push passed the doctors and nurses but Olivia held him back.

"Sir we need you to leave." A young nurse told him.

"But my wife,"

"Sir please." Olivia pulled Elliot out of the room as his eyes glazed over.

"Daddy what's happening?" Lizzie asked him, "Is she... is it?"

"Call it." A voice said and Olivia felt Elliot drop to the ground, he had not fainted, he had been shoved over by an unseen force known as grief. The kids began to cry as they realized that she was gone, their mother was gone, no more air. No more breath, only her body lay in that hospital room and the whole Stabler family had witnessed it.

"Please no." Olivia pulled back as the children gathered around their father, he held onto them as they all cried, wept. Poor Eli was whaling and Olivia took him from Maureen who fell to the ground next to her father and siblings.

"Shhh." Olivia bounced Eli gently as the baby boy had no idea what was going on, "It's ok baby." Olivia cooed to him, "It's going to be ok." Olivia could feel her own eyes water as she watched the sight in front of her. Nobody should ever go through this... nobody, especailly not them. It wasn't right... wasn't fair... but it was happening and all Olivia could do was hold Eli close, rocking him... seeking her own strength and comfort in the tiny person.

AHEM. So those of you who hate me right now... please don't. I have a complete story for all of this, there is a point!!

To me EO peeps... you know I'm EO all the way... just be patient ok??


	4. Endings

AN: So happy you love the story, I know that it is harsh... and just go with me here ok? :) Check out the vid for it on youtube

Elliot watched as his wife was rolled away, Olivia stood holding Eli as the rest of his children held onto him, crying and screaming as if it would bring their mother back. This was not real, he knew that any moment he would wake up and this would all be one horrible nightmare to teach him some twister and fucked up lesson.

"Sir... I need you to fill out some paperwork... I know that this is hard and I am so sorry for your loss but if you could please just sign-" Elliot didn't bother to listen as he began to sign the death certificate and the arrangements for Kathy's funeral. Kathy's mother had been notified by the hospital and she was on her way, coming through the hospital doors she caught eyes with saying a word she came over and embraced all of them.

"My sweet daughter... God please let her rest in peace." Judy had been crying, it was evident but she put on a strong face for her grandchildren,"Shh now... your mother is in a better place... shh... Would you kids lke to come stay with me for a while?" The question threw all of them into silence, "Give your father some-"

"No..." Elliot croaked, "No, they are not going anywhere." Elliot looked down at his children, "They need me, I can't-"

"Daddy I want to go with Grandma." Lizzie looked up at her father, "I need to get away... maybe you can come too?" Elliot just shook his head at his teenager.

"After the funeral you can come to my house... Elliot you are more then welcome to come as well-" Elliot pulled himself away. How could she be this calm and collected? She had just lost her daughter for Christs sake and here she was acting like she... was... she...

"Daddy?" Kathleen looked at him, he could see the suffering in their eyes, god he couldn't bare it.

"El." Olivia's voice brought him back, holding a now sleeping Eli in her arms. Elliot kissed his children and told them he would be right back. After following Olivia into another hallway he just stared at her with blank eyes.

"Liv..."

"Maybe you should let her take the kids for a little while... you need time to grieve." It did not sound like Olivia was saying it with her whole heart but what was right for him to hear.

"They just lost their mother, the last thing they need is for their father to walk out on them. They need me Liv," Elliot's eyes fell onto Eli, "Eli needs me..."

"What the need is their father to be good for them." Olivia took a breath, "I'll take Eli." Olivia said in a heartbeat and Elliot just looked at her, his eyes boring into hers, "I'm his God mother..." Olivia was jerked into a hug by Elliot, it was awkward but he had to hold her. How could he allow himself to still feel so strongly for her? It was wrong, just after losing Kathy it had to be wrong...

"You will never know how much you mean to me." Elliot whispered in her ear and he felt her sniffle, Eli's slumber was calming.

"I think I do..." She whispered back, "Let Judy take the kids... they need to get away... I know it's hard...."

"What if they hate me?" Elliot asked her, not letting go of her, feeling his son breathing steadily in between them, a part of Kathy that was an end to a chapter in his life that needed to rewritten.

"They could never hate you El, even if they tried." Olivia told him honestly.

"I've ruined everything." Elliot pulled back enough to look at her, "I ruined everything with Kathy... you...."

"Shh... don't talk like that, you were confused El... you're in no position to make such statements." Olivia insisted and he gave in by nodding, looking down at his son, still sleeping peacefully in Olivia's arms.

"OK." Elliot gave in, he had to. There was no way he was going to be good enough to take care of his kids... he wasn't even good enough to take care of himself at the moment, "I don't wanna be alone Liv... I..."

"I'll be there." Olivia promised him, "I'm here right now and I am not going anywhere." Olivia pulled him back to her and he breathed out all of the anxiety in hopes that it would. It did not, he still felt like a train derailed.

"Would it be too much to ask you to come... stay... with me...with Eli..."

"El-"

"I can't be alone," Elliot began to shake, "I can't do this, what if I do something stupid?" Olivia's eyes widened as he asked her this. She shook her head in determination holding his eyes to hers.

"You will not do anything stupid, not with me around. Whatever you need, I'm there." Olivia was too good to him... once again she proved it, she was too good to him. Elliot did not deserve her... why was she so good to him?

"I don't know if I can do this Liv, I don't know..."

"You can, you will... you are doing this El, you have to. If you don't do this for you, do it for yours kids." Olivia took in a deep breath and Eli began to squirm.

"Hey little man," Elliot looked down at his son who had awoke. Eli reached out his arms to his father and Elliot took him, rocking him gently back and forth.

"Dada." Eli cooed, "Mama?"

"Daddy's here Eli..." Elliot promised his baby, "Daddy's right here." As Elliot held his son close to his heart he knew, he knew that he was not strong enough to do this alone. It was the right thing to send the kids to Kathy's mom's... they would heal together. Elliot had never been good at dealing with his emotions, he knew this but right then as he felt Eli pulling on his tie he realized that he had to be strong. He had to do this and Olivia was right... with her by his side where could he go wrong?

"Dad." Dickie came through the doors he and Olivia had walked through, "Dad listen to me," Dickie was shaking, Olivia set a hand on his shoulder and a tear fell from his left eye, "Dad look, the girls want to go with Grandma... I do too... it's not you dad, we know that this is hard,"

"Son... I know-"

"Wait let me finish OK?" Dickie sobbed, "OK?"

"OK son, go ahead." Elliot watched him shake his head back and forth.

"It's too much dad, it's too much to go home and not have mom be there. I can't live like that...not right now and I don't think you can either." The wisdom that his son was showing to Elliot caused pride to rise in him.

"I love you." Elliot locked his eyes with Dickie's, the brown haired teen nodded.

"I love you too dad."

"You can go to your grandmother's," Elliot was doing the hardest thing he felt he would ever do, besides losing Kathy.

"Thank you Dad." Dickie pulled him into a hug as well as Eli.

"Di." Eli tried to say Dickie's name and Elliot had to kiss his curls.

"It's going to be OK Eli," Dickie told his younger brother, "It's all going to be OK, I promise."

**************SVU**************************

ONE WEEK LATER.

The kids had not seemed unhappy to leave with their grandmother, Olivia watched as Elliot hugged them and said their good byes. The service had been beautiful, Eli did not get to see Kathy... this had been decided between both Elliot and Olivia. Eli had been asking for Kathy so much that if he had seen her then he would have been distraught that his mother did not wake up. Olivia rocked Eli in her arms as Judy drove off, Elliot had no color in his face, Olivia wondered if it would be the best time to bring up something with Elliot... probably not but she had to confront him.

"I saw it." Olivia said to him as he came over to her.

"Saw what?" Elliot seemd in a daze.

"I saw the newspaper El... are you thinking of moving?" Olivia had to know, she in a way felt bad for just asking him but... she had to know. Elliot let out a deep breath and just shook his head, he took a seat on his front step and just put his head in his hands.

"I can't stay here Liv... too many... memories..." Elliot's voice broke and Olivia sat down next to him, Eli still in her arms sleeping, "How the hell do I heal when all I'm surrounded by are memories?"

"Can you go to a hotel or something?" Olivia asked, not wanting to bring up the obvious, would it be wrong to ask him to come stay with her? Would that be crossing a line?

"No... no hotels." Elliot shrugged it off.

"Do... you want to come stay with me?" She asked him carefully, this was not an easy subject for either of them but the line had been crossed, between what was right and what was wrong. It felt right, it wasn't about knowing.

"I don't know what I want." Elliot slumped his shoulders, "I do know that I don't want to be here right now." His blue eyes met hers and she nodded.

"I'll go pack some things... do you need anything?" Olivia switched Eli to her other shoulder. It was then that a car pulled up, Olivia and Elliot looked to see who it was. Don Cragen, the captain of Special Victims got out, he had been at the service to pay his respects..

"Elliot... Olivia." Don looked at Elliot with such sadness that it broke Olivia's heart.

"Don." Olivia greeted him, Elliot said nothing.

"I've come to talk to you about what you mentioned," The captain spoke to Elliot, "Liv would you mind-"

"No she can hear it, she's going to find out sooner or later." Elliot finally spoke.

"What's going on?" Olivia had a feeling of complete dread lift in her.

"I'm leaving the Squad." Elliot told her, her feeling intensified in her and she swallowed a huge lump that had just formed. What was she supposed to say? 'No... I need you...' but that would have been selfish.

"I don't think it's the kind of choice you want to make right now Elliot, with everything-"

"This job is the reason I lost my wife," Elliot cut the captain off, "If I want to make things right... I... I need to make things right." Elliot was refusing to cry and the captain nodded.

"Well you know what to do then." The captain looked forlorn, "When you're ready come to the precinct to fill out the proper paperwork and... are you positive?"

"I'm positive." Elliot got up and headed into the house, shutting the door behind him. The captain looked over at Olivia, a deep sadness in his old face.

"How are you holding up?" He asked her gently.

"How do you think?" Olivia sputtered, "Is it true? Elliot really wants to leave SVU?"

"I know he didn't tell you but maybe it's the best thing right now, he can always come back." What the captain did next surprised Olivia, he sat down next to her, "You will have a new partner... now are you going to be able to-"

"I am not quitting." Olivia stood her ground, "I won't."

"It's tough isn't it? Picking your job or the one you love."

"We're best friends Don." Olivia lied, hoping it would come out how it meant to but... aslas it sounded like she didn't even believe it.

"You're more then that and this is what he is struggling with... how can a man who just lost a wife already love another woman?" The captains words stunned Olivia, "Because he's loved you for a long time. If you don't want to lose him support him through this Liv.... support him."

"Yes sir." they sat in silence until the door reopened, Elliot handed his gun and badge to the captain without a word. The captain looked up at him as if making sure Elliot was truly sure... Elliot nodded his head slightly.

"I need to start packing." Elliot went back inside.

"I'm sorry captain but-" Olivia looked at her superior and he just nodded in understanding.

"Go." That was all it took, Olivia followed Elliot into the house, she could not stop this, she knew that she could not... but her heart was breaking, she was losing him... losing him again.

"El-"

"I've made up my mind Liv, I'm leaving SVU." Elliot went up the stairs, leaving Olivia at the stoop, Eli awoke asking for mommy and Olivia shushed him quietly.

"Mommy went away Eli..." Olivia whispered to him, "But you're ok... you're safe..."

"Mommy!" Eli began to cry and Olivia could feel her own tears flow, how did she explain to such a young soul that his mother was no longer there? Eli did not understand, he did not know what it meant to be there one moment and then be gone the next. The baby boy kept crying out for his mother, looking around, trying to reach out as if his cries would bring his mother to him.

"Shh..." Olivia tried to calm him down but she knew that there was nothing that she could do, there was nothing anyone could have done for the baby.

"Mama..." Eli cried softly after his crying subsided, "Mama no go bye bye... mama no go..." The baby looked into Olivia's eyes and began to cry once more, causing Olivia's heart to break. In fact she felt it shatter every time Eli began to let out a long wail... her heart was in a million peices... nothing could calm him.... nothing would have made it better, only Kathy could have made it ok, only Kathy could have calmed her hysterical son. Olivia closed her eyes and imagined Kathy walking in and taking Eli from her, pulling him to her heart and rocking him telling him she was fine, that he was fine.

"It's going to be OK baby... it's going to be OK... I know it hurts." Olivia brought Eli closer to her, trying to mimic what Kathy would have done. Eli threw his arms tighter around Olivia's neck and buried his head into her shoulder.

"Mama come back.... mama where are you? Mama noooo go bye byes." Eli's plea would never be heard, his mother would never be coming back. How horrible for such a young child... how much Olivia felt for him as she tried to stay strong... strong for Eli. Strong for Elliot... strong in every way she could.


	5. Divorce papers

AN: I want to thank thegoddesspixie

for giving me this idea, credits to you :)

Elliot could hear Eli crying downstairs, his own tears flowing as he realized the severity of the situation. As he looked around the bedroom that he and Kathy used to share, he became suddenly calm. It had been a long time since he had held his wife, sleeping in the same bed had just become a routine. There was no cuddling, no making love... he would kiss her on the cheek and say good night and that was it. Elliot walked over to the closet and just stared, he could only stare, the door looked back at him as if prompting him to kick it, but he did not. Closing his eyes, Elliot took hold of the handle and opened it, Kathy's clothes were still in the closet, the only reason Elliot had come into it was to get his suitcase. Reaching up, not expecting it to have any weight, it fell down out of his hands due to the heaviness. Elliot looked down at it in confusion.

Kneeling down in front of it, Elliot opened it to see Kathy's clothes inside. What was this? Had Kathy planned on leaving him, he wasn't surprised in the least, just more grief... there was an envelope on the top of the clothes, Elliot was afraid to even open it. As if he were touching Kathy again, he reached in and picked up the envelope feeling the paper... Kathy crossed his mind and he let out a quiet sob. When would the pain go away? It felt like there was nothing but pain anymore. Taking the envelope and leaving the suitcase in the closet, he walked over to the bed and sat. It seemed like hours before he finally opened it and took out a letter that had been written by Kathy... he had no choice but to read it... he had to. He would be insulting his passed wife if he did not, he owed her that much.

Elliot,

When you find this I want you to know that I love you, before you read this any further please know that what I have done is the best thing for me. For you.... for us. The truth is that there is no us anymore, like what we used to be. Do you remember when I told you that I was pregnant with Maureen? You were so happy, at least that was how you acted but I could see it in your eyes that you were truly happy. You proposed, we married... we began a journey, a journey that came to a halt when things just... died. It was not your fault, it was not my fault... it just happened. We fell out of love, I will always love you with all of my heart. I know that you have never cheated on me and I stayed up so many nights thinking you were with Olivia. Elliot she has helped our family so much, she even kept me from leaving you not too long ago. Olivia loves you Elliot, I know she does and I know that you feel something for her. I am not angry, I do not hate you or Olivia. If it wasn't for Olivia I would not be here right now and neither would Eli. I am leaving you because it is the right thing to do, you would never leave. You would never walk out on your family. El, I love you too much to see you in so much pain... I know it's been hard. Please forgive me for leaving like this but in time you will come to understand why I had to leave you, I couldn't keep you in this prison that we call a marriage any longer. I know that the only reason you came back was for Eli, I can see it when you look at him. I can tell in your eyes that you are no longer with me anymore and when we did separate the first time your eyes were opened to other possibilities. I want you to be happy, doesn't every good wife want that for their husband? El I want you to know that if you ever act on your feelings for Olivia I will not hold it against you and if I am wrong and you don't love Olivia then if you find someone else then I will still love you. We had a good marriage at one point and we've worked so hard but it's time Elliot, it's time to move on. I can't bring Eli up in a loveless marriage, that's not what I want to teach my son. I want him to marry for love, not because he has to and he will learn from out mistake. I will be at my mom's, tell the kids I love them and we will work out something so we can share custody of Eli. If you look in the burrow on my side you will see a manila envelope. These contain your copy of the divorce papers.

Yes, we were divorced... in the eyes of God we will never be divorced but I went through so much to get you to sign the papers. I even convinced Olivia to talk to you, not really believing you would sign them. What did she say Elliot? What did she do to cause you to sign the papers? Did she promise you that you would not be alone? That it was for the best? Olivia loves you, what I am telling you Elliot is that we are officially divorced in the state of New York. I'm sorry that I never told you, I just was afraid that you would leave but here I am leaving you again. Please know that it was for you... for me.... I love you Elliot, I always will. But now it's time to start over... call me when you're ready.

Please don't hate me,

Your wife,

Kathy

Elliot stared at the letter, the paper stained with tears that had fallen from his eyes. There was no date on the letter but it seemed fairly new. Elliot's mind was racing, Olivia had convinced him to sign the papers because Kathy had asked her to? Olivia was in love with him? It was too much... way too much. Elliot did not torture himself by reading the letter again but shot up to go to the burrow. Just as Kathy had said, there was a manila envelope, the divorce papers. Elliot took them out and saw that a judge had signed the papers, looking down at his wedding ring Elliot tore it off. He was angry, how could Kathy do this to him? Why would she do this to him? Throwing the ring into the manila envelope and throwing it back in the burrow he slammed the drawer.

"Elliot?" Olivia called to him from downstairs, she must have heard the loud slam. Her voice brought Elliot back and he all of the sudden felt sick, "El?" Olivia was not outside in the hallway, "Are you OK?"

"No... no I'm not OK... not be a long shot." Elliot went to the door and locked it, "Leave me alone Liv."

"Elliot what the hell is going on? Did you lock the door?" Olivia's voice rang out in concern but Elliot was blinded by the sea of emotions.

"I need time! I need to be alone... I..."

"I'm calling Judy." Olivia told him, "Maybe Eli should go with her too."

"Just... get out of here Liv." Elliot did not scream, he did not yell but he hissed, "Leave..."

"El-"

"GO!" Elliot shouted and he heard a muffled cry, Eli... oh he had not been thinking.

"F-fine I'll go." Olivia sounded like she was in tears as he heard her go down the stairs, Elliot knew that she had Eli with her but he did not care. Olivia was too much right now, how could he look at her? How could it be okay for him to love her? How could it be OK? It couldn't... Elliot looked around the room, not thinking, he went over to the closet and dumped Kathy's things out of the suitcase. Not noticing what he was putting into it, he did not care. As long as he got out of there, Elliot had heard Olivia's car leave and he bit his lip.

"Don't break you coward." He scolded himself, "Don't you do it." Elliot thought of what his father would think if he were alive and his gut was sick again. Elliot grabbed his phone, his keys... he had to leave.

****************SVU*******************SVU*****************

"Thank you for calling me Olivia." Judy had met Olivia at a small diner, the kids already at her place, Olivia with her arms tightly around El.

"He's just not doing too well." Was all Olivia could say.

"Well I would say not, he just lost his mommy." Judy pulled the baby out of Olivia's arms and Olivia bit her lip, she had meant Elliot but it was the best for Eli to be out of the way at the moment. Elliot had some deep searching to do and knowing her partner for so long, she knew that something had definitely made Elliot snap.

"I love you." Olivia kissed Eli's forehead and she watched Judy put him into the car seat that Kathy had bought her. Olivia watched them drive off before getting back into her car and heading straight to Elliot's, she was furious with him. No... she was hurt... she understood that he was going through hell but treating the people who loved him the way he did was just not OK. Dread took over her as she saw that his car was gone. Pulling into the driveway, Olivia got out of the car and ran to the front door. It was locked and she took out the key that Elliot had made for her after Kathy passed. Looking around the house, Olivia called out to him not expecting an answer but she felt so alone and rejected in the huge empty house.

Olivia decided to go upstairs, as she saw the bedroom she stopped in her tracks. Why did it feel so wrong to go into that room? That room where God only knew what happened between Elliot and Kathy when she was alive. It was like going into Elliot's diary if he had one, walking into his world. Olivia willed herself to go in and she did. It was nice... despite the things thrown around the room that must have been the work of Elliot. Elliot noticed that a drawer was open and Elliot's clothes were gone, then something else caught her eye... why did those papers look so familiar? The detective in her took over and she looked at them, they were the divorce papers that she had made Elliot sign....

_FLASHBACK...._

_"El I need to talk to you." Olivia said to her partner who was too busy typing to look at her._

_"Uh huh." He said absently._

_"It's important." Olivia's tone made him pause to look at her, how the hell did Kathy expect her to do this? She and Elliot were at each others throats at the moment due to a case with a man who had a wife claiming that he raped her._

_"Can't it wait?" Elliot dared to ask her and she scoffed._

_"No." She stood her ground._

_"Alright... well let's go get some drinks, it's about time to get out of here. You game?"_

_"Oh yeah." Olivia got her coat and watched Elliot as he logged off his computer. Possibilities swam through her mind as she thought of how Kathy had been so dead on about how she was the only one who could get Elliot to sign the divorce papers. _Why? _Olivia had thought, why me? What had Kathy meant that I gave him stability and all that bullshit? If only Kathy knew that Elliot's divorce was affecting them as well but she would never let it show. They headed out without a word to one another, there was a small pub down the road from the precinct where Elliot ordered a beer as Olivia ordered a martini._

_"So what's up? You wanna talk some more on how this guy-"_

_"This has nothing to do with work El." Olivia cut him off and his eyes narrowed in surprise and intrigue._

_"It doesn't?" Elliot studied her and his tone changed, "What's going on Liv?" Oh it had felt so good to hear her nickname out of his mouth again. Olivia took a sip of her drank as she felt Elliot's eyes on her._

_"Stop me if you need to." Olivia started._

_"OK..." Elliot kept his eyes on her._

_"You and Kathy." Olivia finally looked up at him and he got a look in his eyes, the kind of look where he had realized something._

_"What about it?" He cleared his throat._

_"El... have you signed the divorce papers yet?" Olivia asked him and he just pursed his lips._

_"Why?" This was a good question, why.... why was his partner asking him this? What did it mean? Of course it would seem strange that Olivia would ask to speak to him about the divorce, she detected that Elliot was picking up on something that she was not aware of, "Why Liv?"_

_"Are you happy right now?" Olivia avoided his question._

_"What do you think?" He asked her and she smirked, "I'm going through a divorce... I'm..." Elliot's voice drifted off, "I'm at a point where I don't know what to do."_

_"I miss the Elliot who used to be happy," Olivia started, "Do you remember how happy you used to be? Well I mean you weren't ecstatic but you were content."_

_"What are you getting at Liv?"_

_"It's time for you to be happy again." Olivia closed her eyes, should she plunge?_

_"I'm not sure I know what you mean Liv." Elliot answered honestly._

_"You and I... we're... things have... well..." Olivia had no clue what she was trying to say but she saw Elliot's eyes turn to exploration..._

_"You're not alone in your mixed emotions Liv..." Elliot stopped her and her eyes widened at him. This was not what she had expected at all, then again what _had_ she expected?_

_"I'm sorry I left." Olivia began._

_"You got scared... I did too I just... didn't know what to do." Elliot paused, "Liv when I thought Gitano had cut you so bad that you were going to die the first thing that warped through me was what if you were gone without ever knowing how I felt?" Elliot's eyes had softened and she could feel her heart begin to race, "I don't want that to ever happen again."_

_"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Olivia was bewildered._

_"I'm stuck Liv... I want to hold onto Kathy because a part of me will feel like I failed with her if I don't try... which I did fail Liv.... I failed because...." Elliot looked away and then caught her eyes with his own._

_"Because of me." Olivia dared to say and Elliot just nodded softly, it was not a bad thing that he was admitting this. That is was not her fault that their marriage had failed, it wasn't all of her fault... it was the job and then the feelings came..._

_"You didn't fail Kathy Elliot... things happen..." Olivia pointed a finger at herself and he cracked a smile with her, "Do you want a second chance?"_

_"Are you offering me a second chance?" Elliot's hands were now on the table and Olivia did something that felt foreign, this was not them... was it? She reached out to touch his hand, it fit perfectly in his and they were both in awe._

_"Cut the cord El... divorce Kathy... look what's right in front of you." Olivia could not believe what she was saying, was it the alcohol that made her open up so much? No... it was Elliot's honesty... she squeezed his hand and he squeezed it back and he nodded._

_"I still haven't signed the divorce papers." Elliot admitted to her and she nodded as if she didn't know, "I don't want to sign them for the wrong reasons," He gazed at her._

_"What's the right reason?" Olivia asked him and he chewed on his lower lip like he always did when he was thinking hard._

_"The right reason would be if I didn't feel anything for anyone else Liv..."_

_"You can't help how you feel." Olivia convinced him, "_We _can't help how we feel." Elliot was now looking at her in a new light it seemed, as if something had been lifted off of his shoulders._

_"I don't know if I'll be ready to-"_

_"Then we'll take it slow," Olivia tilted her head to one side, gazing into his eyes, "I'm not going to rush you." And she meant it with all of her heart._

_"Do you promise?" Elliot's question made Olivia smile, it was such an innocent question._

_"I promise you with all of my heart, Elliot Stabler that I, Olivia Benson will not rush you... and will be patient and wait." Olivia took a second, "I've waited this long, what makes you think something's going to stop me now?" It would have been the perfect moment for Elliot lean over and kiss her then but they both knew that it couldn't be like that. Olivia was willing to wait.... yes she was._

_"I have to do something., it involves some papers... but uh... "_

_"Go." Olivia closed her eyes as his finger grazed her cheek, "Call me later OK?" Olivia watched Elliot leave the pub and she sat back with her mind reeling._

_END FLASHBACK_

Kathy had gotten pregnant with Eli and it was all over, the promise... that night was gone and here stood Olivia in Elliot and Kathy's bedroom staring at the signed and approved divorce papers. Had Elliot known? No... he couldn't have, he had never let on that he knew. Olivia caught something else with her eyes, a crumpled up letter... not caring at the moment if Elliot walked in right there she un-crumpled the letter and read it.

"Oh my god." Olivia dropped the letter and backed away from it as if it were on fire, no wonder Elliot had flipped out. Kathy had given Elliot her blessing for them to be together... but how the hell could they be together if she was... dead? Olivia's eyes pooled with tears for the millionth time that day and she kicked the bed with anger. Olivia knew Elliot well enough to know that he was going through some type of denial, did Elliot love her? Yes... he did... but when Olivia found out that Kathy was pregnant again... and when she had asked him what he was going to do about it.... well she got her answer. The promise Olivia had made to Elliot went out the window and she began to feel the bitter pain of a broken heart.

"Where are you?" Olivia asked to no one as she pulled our her phone, she speed dialed Elliot to only get his voice mail which was full. Where would he go? Where had he run off to? Olivia had to find him... and fast.

....OH MY GOD. Well there you go EO shippers who have been asking me for it :P This was a hard chapter to write as well as all of the others... well obviously. And in a way this is how I would see Kathy leaving the show if she ever had to... do I want Kathy to die? No... sure as an EO shipper I don't like Kathy. But her character is a part of Elliots and there's a reason for her so my fellow SVU fans I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Read and Review.


	6. Saved again

AN: I own nothing but the idea....

Elliot looked around the motel room, it was not the four seasons by a long shot. In fact it was some low budget place that he first came across, with a satisfied sigh Elliot doubled locked the door behind him. No one would ever think to look for him here and that was how he wanted it. Elliot felt no desire to be found, in fact all he wanted was to be forgotten about. Elliot found himself imagining Olivia forgetting about him so he could rot and die alone... in some stupid motel room... but Elliot was not stupid. He knew that Olivia could not forget about him if she had been paid a million dollars and was forced to quit her job. So why did Elliot feel the need that she needed to forget about him? Olivia deserved someone who could give everything to her, a man who didn't have so much going on. Olivia deserved a carefree life. Elliot was in no way equipped to give her any of those things at that moment, hell he had just given up his job. But it had been the job that sent him away from Kathy, it had been the job's fault that she was going to leave him. Elliot imagined Olivia searching for him, not letting up until she found him. Elliot had parked his car in the back so even if she drove by she would not see that he was there. But Elliot understood Olivia's determination, if she could not be found he always went searching for her, sure it had been his "job" looking out for his partner, but it had also been more then that. The job was the reason he gave to mask the true light... Olivia would never give up on him,,

"Why?" Elliot asked out loud. Why had this woman done so much for him? Why did she care so much? The only answer that came to his mind was that she loved him... loving someone should never feel wrong. Love should have always been right, good... happy... but when Elliot thought about his feelings for Olivia his heart constricted and Kathy came into his mind. Turning on the Television trying to drown out his thoughts, he put a made for TV movie on despite his cable channels. Elliot paid no attention to the man on the TV being slapped by his girlfriend as music swelled. Elliot's stomach growled and he grimaced, of course he was hungry, the last time he ate was... well he couldn't remember. Not bothering to turn the TV off Elliot left the room to go to the vending machines that were near the ice machine.

"Stop!" A girl screamed, Elliot stopped dead in his tracks as he overheard a girl yelling at someone, "Please don't... please!" Elliot forgetting everything, forgetting that he had given up his badge and gun ran to the door. He pounded on it.

"Hey! Police! Open up!" Elliot heard the girl begin to cry and someone shuffling inside.

"Police?" The door was opened just ajar as the chain stayed on, "You got identification?" The man was in his thirties Elliot gathered, he could see a younger girl over on the bed crying, her clothes torn.

"You got until the count of three... or I'll be breaking that door in." Elliot warned the young man who just looked at him with no expression, "Three." Elliot barked, kicking the door in, causing the man to fall back and the girl retreated to the back of the bed. Elliot went to grab his radio to call for backup and in that one moment, that one split second... he was caught off guard.

"Ass hole!" The young man had jumped on Elliot's back, his hands around Elliot's neck, Elliot tried to pull away but his air supply was getting short.

"Bryan stop! Stop you're going to kill him!" The girl screamed.

"Hands in the air now." Olivia's voice was such a relief to Elliot he found the strength in himself to knock the boy back, regaining his balance Elliot pushed the kid up against the wall in a restraint.

"El," Olivia gave him a look that reminded him that he no longer had his gun, no longer had his badge... shit how the hell was he going to repay Olivia for saving his ass once again? Elliot was so sick of his life being in danger, he was so sick of Olivia's life being in danger that... he was just so sick and tired of it all. Elliot allowed Olivia to cuff the young man as he began to babble on about how he was going to be pressing charges.

"Are you OK?" Elliot turned to the girl as Olivia walked the guy out.

"He's my boyfriend... well ex boyfriend now." The girl's make up was smeared and her hair a mess, as if she noticed it at the same time Elliot did she ran a nervous hand through her locks but it was no help, "Are you really a cop?" She asked Elliot and he look grim.

"I was..."

"Thank you," The girl approached him, "Thank you for helping me... no one else would have. If you had not have helped me then... oh God." The girl began to cry and Elliot put an arm around her, finally allowing himself to forget his emotions and focused on the girl who was probably Kathleen's age.

"You're OK now, you're safe." Elliot heard a car door slam and Olivia returned.

"I called or backup, Fin's on his way." Olivia walked over to the girl, "Hi, I'm detective Benson, are you OK?"

"Uh huh, I mean he didn't get very far, this man helped me." The girl held onto Elliot.

"What's you're name sweetheart?"

"B-bethany."

"Do you want to press charges against your attacker?" Olivia was not looking at Elliot, in fact she seemed to be ignoring him. Perhaps Elliot was just paranoid... perhaps Olivia was just focusing on Bethany so much that it would have seemed wrong to acknowledge Elliot... yes, that must have been it.

"I don't know yet... I mean he didn't... he tried...."

"It's OK sweetie." Olivia put her hand on Bethany's shoulder, gently touching Elliot's hand that sat on the same shoulder and Elliot looked at Olivia.

"Where's the scum of the day?" Fin called out.

"That was fast." Olivia turned to look at Fin who was now at the door.

"Yeah well... I was in this part. So where is he?"

"In the back of my car, get him and take him in." Olivia ordered Fin and that was when Elliot noticed that Fin did not know what to do, Elliot was there, which was not weird. To Fin Elliot was still a part of SVU... maybe Elliot had made a mistake and he began to feel it in his stomach.

"Bethany why don't you come with me to make a report?" Olivia suggested and Bethany bit her lip.

"W-will he go to jail?"

"It depends but what he did to you was wrong, I'm assuming Detective Stabler helped you in that area." Olivia's choice of words had been so natural that Elliot was now truly regretting his decision.

"Y-yes he saved me... oh... OK..." Bethany took Olivia's hand as Elliot watched them leave the hotel room. Not knowing what to say or do, Elliot followed... having no clue what to do with this situation. How had Olivia found him? Was he bugged or something? Elliot could feel the heaviness of his heart lighten just a bit as he watched Olivia take Bethany away. Olivia had not even spoke to him... she had not said on word to him except his name. Had he fucked up once again? Elliot looked down at his hands as he began his journey to the vending machines. Elliot had been harsh with her and here she came, saving his life once again. Elliot was about to make his selection when his cell phone went off, he had put it on vibrate, finally taking notice of the phone he looked down to see that it was Olivia.

"Liv?" Elliot asked as he answered.

"Are you OK?" It was the first question out of her mouth and Elliot closed his eyes, willing whatever this feeling in his chest was to go away.

"I'm fine."

"Bethany decided that she wasn't going to press charges."

"What?!" Elliot was outrage as he punched the C3 selection. She wasn't going to do anything? After all of that?!

"It happens El," Olivia sighed. There was silence and Elliot could hear her driving, then it occurred to him.

"Where's Eli?" He asked her, his voice thickening with concern.

"You asked us to leave Elliot." Olivia had used his full name... not a good sign, "But... I know why you did..."

"You do?" Elliot felt something drop in his stomach, did she know? What did she think that she knew?

"Are you still at that motel?"

"Yeah..."

"I'll be there in five." She hung up and Elliot took his bag of chips and headed to his room. He sat down looking down at the bag, his mind was telling him to not eat but his stomach was saying another. Elliot forced himself to eat a chip and his stomach growled as if thanking him for the food. Elliot finished the bag and his phone went off, it was Olivia again.

"What room are you in?"

"28."

"OK." She hung up and there was a knock at his door, he got up to open it and there stood Olivia holding a brown paper bag, "Thought you might be hungry so I picked up a sub for you..." She handed him the bag, their fingers touching.

"Thank you." Elliot moved aside so she could come in and double locked the door once again, "Liv-"

"Look I know that you might wanna say something but it's time I've spoke. I've held my tongue for long enough." This scared Elliot, was Olivia about to tell him that she didn't want him anymore? That it was too complicated? Complicated wasn't even the word for it... fuck up was... twisted as hell, "I know that you're grieving right now and I understand that... but you have no right to be so... so cold." Olivia's brown eyes became glazed over, "Kathy was your wife, the mother of your children you have every right to be angry, to be pissed off... to want to run away." Elliot just stood there letting her speak, "But you have to know that I... I care about you too much to let you do this to yourself."

"I know." Elliot responded after a few minutes of silence, "I am sorry for yelling at you... I am sorry for pushing you away, I just got scared Liv."

"You don't have to be scared El, I am too..." Olivia closed her eyes as if gaining strength, "I went back to your house after giving Eli to Judy, I went back looking for you." She paused, "I found the letter." That was all it took for Elliot to want to run again, she did know and he all of the sudden felt a mixture of fear touched with anger. Olivia knew that Kathy had suspected that she loved him, Olivia knew that Kathy had lied about the divorce papers... Olivia knew that Kathy wanted him to move on... Elliot was not ready.

"I don't know what to do," Elliot finally told her in honesty, "Liv I haven't a clue... I'm going through all of the shit that goes with the passing of his wife while..." Elliot's voice drifted off as he locked his eyes on Olivia's, "While there's you..."

"El-"

"I need space Liv, I want you with me to be there, I don't just want you to be here for me... I want you to always be next to me... but right now I have to let go of Kathy before I can finally... move on." The truth was that Elliot had moved on from his wife a long time ago but her death was causing him to move back.

"I understand." Olivia said sadly, "And I am willing to give you that time...."

"If we were to..."

"Don't-" Olivia cut him off, "El please don't OK? I can't take it..." Olivia held up a hand, "I can't do this right now... it's too much."

"Liv I'm sorry."

"I know..." A single tear fell down Olivia's cheek as Elliot resisted the urge to brush it away, no it was too soon. It was too much, there was no going back now, a door had been opened and he was not ready to walk through it yet.

"I'm going to my mom's." Elliot told her and she only responded with a nod, "I um... I need to get away."

"You're mom called me asking how you were," Olivia revealed, "She loves you El." When she said the last four words Elliot knew that it was her way of saying it too.

"I love her too." Elliot said in above a whisper, the pain on Olivia's eyes was evident and it hurt him so much to do this to her, he knew that his heart needed to mend first... mend from Kathy before allowing himself to feel for Olivia with all of his heart.

"So... you're really leaving SVU?" Olivia asked in a small voice.

"It's the best thing right now." Elliot told her and she nodded, looking down at her feet.

"You know that I'm here for you... forever and always right?" Olivia finally looked at him again.

"How can I not know? You made it apparent every day." Elliot bit his lip to keep from crying again, Olivia however was letting it go. After he said she let out a small sob and it killed Elliot to see her in so much pain... because of him.

"Will you come back?" Olivia asked, her voice breaking.

"Of course I will." Elliot walked over to her and set his hands on her shoulders, he could feel her shaking, "Liv look at me." She did and she put his forehead against hers, "I'll come back to you." Elliot hated that he had to do this, he never wanted to leave her... never but it something he had to do.

"Take all of the time you need." Elliot could tell that Olivia wanted to pull him to her, wanted hug him... kiss him, but she would not dare do that, no Olivia knew that she couldn't.

"I will come back." Elliot promised her and she nodded.

"I know..." Olivia wiped away a tear, "I know." Elliot pushed aside reason and pulled her into his arms, holding her felt so right that he felt like he was betraying Kathy, "I have to go." Olivia pulled out of the hug, "Call me ok?" It was like she needed to get away as soon as possible.

"Liv!" Elliot called to her.

"Call me." Olivia left and Elliot found himself in pieces, no this was not how it was supposed to be. This was not how things were supposed to happen between them... when would everything turn out how it was supposed to? When would the world be right again?

"Kathy..." Elliot said her name out loud and closed his eyes, "Kathy... if you're looking down on me please help me. God please help me." And Elliot Stabler finally wept again, not just for his wife but for Olivia too. When would it end?

AN: Ok so I know you guys are probably dying for EO... trust me... it's not easy to NOT give you EO. As an EO writer I want to give it you but... that is not reality and I'm trying to make this as realistic as possible... so no worries guys. Read... Review... :)


	7. Sad chapter the last sad one 8 HAPPY

AN: Onto the next part...

Olivia left the hotel, her tears clouding her vision. She was forced to understand Elliot leaving, she was forced to be OK with it. She hated it... she did not want him to leave. What the hell was she supposed to do? Elliot was her best friend, her life... he was her partner. Now Olivia felt like she was lost in the jungle without a compass or a map and it was dark. She did not look back at the hotel, she refused to. She refused to run back and beg him to stay, she refused to be that person who tried to stop him from doing something he felt was right. Instead she got into her car and drove around, drove anywhere.... it didn't matter where she went... no... she just had to drive. Olivia's phone went off and looked down to see if it was Elliot, no it was the captain.

"Yeah Captain." Olivia answered hastily.

"Can you come to the precinct or are you with-"

"He's leaving sir, I can be there."

"OK, see you soon, be careful." Olivia hung up and sucked it up, she had to put on her game face. She had no choice, how could victims talk to someone who looked like their were victims themselves? It took Olivia no time to get to the precinct, she locked her doors and headed into the building. The squad room was quiet, as she walked in she saw Fin and John Munch look at her but she did not acknowledge them. What would she say?

"Liv," The captain saved her as she headed into his office. Olivia was surprised to see a man about her age, sandy blond hair with brown eyes... to anyone else he would have been attractive, to any other woman who did not love another man he would have been the type of man who seemed available..... but Olivia knew who she wanted and this man was not Elliot, "Liv I want you to meet your new partner, Bryce Brannock." Olivia looked over at Bryce who smiled warmly at her. She did not return the smile.

"Olivia has been working special victims for ten years now... her old partner is going through a family crisis so, he won't be returning so I hope you two can get along." The captain was looking at Olivia now and she swallowed the lump in her throat. She had a new partner, it was all too real to her... Elliot really wasn't returning and she bit the bullet and held out her hand to Bryce.

"Good to meet you." Olivia forced out and he took her hand in a warm gesture.

"You too Olivia." Bryce replied and she did not smile at him, no she was determined to let everyone know that this did not make her happy at all.

"Well it's the end of they day, Liv you should probably get going... Uh... Bryce here commented that he was hungry, why don't you two go get a bite to eat or something?" Was the Captain serious? Did he truly expect Olivia to pretend that everything wall all hunky Dorry and this new partner of hers was going to click with her?

"Oh that would be great, that is if it's cool with you." Bryce looked at Olivia who grimaced.

"Sure... whatever... " Olivia left the office, not caring about leaving Bryce behind, if he wanted to work with her and be her new partner fine, but she was not going pretend that she was ecstatic about it.

"Hey Olivia, wait up." Bryce called to her and Olivia stopped walking, "Geeze, I bet you give perps a real run for their money don't you?" Bryce tried to joke with her but there was no way Olivia was going to laugh at his attempt at quips, there was no way she going to let him think that she was excited. Instead Olivia just looked at him with eyes of stone.

"I hope you have a car." Was all she said as he followed her to the elevator. Bryce had to be in his late thirties, Olivia took note that there was no ring on his left finger and she smirked to herself. He was probably one of those men who had different dates to everything... a player or whatever.

"I understand that you're angry..." Bryce began as they got off at the first floor, "I had a partner leave too... only she left because well... " Bryce cleared his throat, "She didn't leave because she wanted to, some perp was too quick for her... took only one bullet." When Bryce revealed this to Olivia her guard lowered and she all of the sudden felt completely guilty for hating Bryce... it was not his fault that Elliot had left, Bryce had no asked to be her new partner...

"Bryce... I'm so sorry." Olivia stopped walking to look at him as she said this so he knew that she truly was sorry.

"It was a year ago, I took some time off." Bryce bit his lip, "She died for a little girl so... it wasn't like she died for nothing." Bryce frowned, "Actually no one should ever die for nothing." His last sentence made Olivia start to ponder.

"What do you mean?" She decided to carry on the conversation.

"Well you know people who just pass? Well.. it's my belief that everything happens for a reason..." Bryce paused before speaking again, "I heard about your old partner's wife, my condolences. From what I read up you two were quite the heroes."

"You read up on me?" Olivia looked at him strangely.

"Well would you if you found out you were getting a new partner?" Bryce had a point, she would have if she had known. In fact she would probably look Bryce up when she got home, "So you and your old partner... were you-"

"I'd rather not talk about him." Olivia cut him off harshly.

"OK yeah I see that, well that's OK, we don't have to." Bryce really did seem like a nice man and even though Olivia did not like the idea of him taking Elliot's place she had to accept him.

"Thank you." Olivia said truthfully and she led him to her car, "Where are you parked?" She asked him.

"A few blocks down, look if you're not hungry-"

"No, I need to get my mind off of things... where do you want to eat?" Olivia prayed that he did not name a place that she and Elliot had ate before.

"There's this new bistro on the corner of 50th and Park."

"Meet you there." Olivia got into her car, grateful that it was somewhere she had never been to. She hated this, all of this. She was being forced into reality and did not like it one bit. Olivia wanted so bad to understand why Elliot was doing this... in a way she did, she understood that he needed space and time. Yes she completely understood... but to leave her like this? No, Olivia could not be selfish right now, Elliot had every right to be a jumble of emotions. Turning on the radio, Olivia headed to where Bryce had mentioned hoping that she could forget the things that had happened earlier.

************SVU****************SVU******************

"Oh my god, I should have never had the shrimp." Olivia sat outside of the bistro, her stomach in knots, Bryce was holding a bag as her stomach rejected her meal. Bryce was not at all squeamish, in fact it shocked Olivia that he was being so nice to her after only knowing her for a few hours. If it had been her, she would have got him a taxi and a bucket and sent him on his way. But Bryce sat next to her, helping her. It was nice in a fucked up way.

"Well now we know to never eat here again." Bryce sighed and Olivia groaned.

"I feel like my insides are being ripped to shreds."

"This is all of my fault." Bryce sighed as he put a hand on Olivia's back, she felt too sick to refute it.

"How the hell is it your fualt?" Olivia looked up at him.

"I suggested this place." Bryce shrugged.

"Are you seriously going to sit there and feel bad for suggesting a spot that you had no idea would give me food poisoning?"

"Uh..."

"That's what I thought, ugh." Olivia finally felt like she would not be sick again and she nodded to Bryce.

"You OK?"

"No..." Olivia answered, feeling sedated.

"I should probably get you some ice,"

"I'm fine." Olivia but her armor back on and Bryce frowned at her.

"But you just said-"

"Fine do you want to hear how bad I am? I'll tell you, my partner left me because he's grieving over his wife not realizing how much it's effected me too, now here I am with a new partner when I wish I was with him... I should be helping him... and he doesn't want it!" Olivia was shocked at her own outburst, to her utter disbelief Bryce did not pull away, he did not move. He just looked at her, causing her to stare back at him.

"I was wondering when you were finally going to get that off of your chest." Bryce gave her a warm look.

"It has nothing at all to do with you, I swear-"

"Olivia I get it OK? You don't have to explain it to me, you two were partners for almost eleven years... that's a long time and it would pretty damn hard to believe if nothing happened between you two. emotions wise."

"How could he leave me?" Olivia was now drifting off, she did not care about who was hearing her... all she knew was that she had to get it out, "How could he just... why? What the hell did I do to make him-"

"I'm going to stop you right there Olivia because you did nothing. He's a mess of emotions right now and the best thing you can do is... well..."

"Be there when he needs me to?"

"Basically," Bryce rubbed her back and at the moment Olivia was grateful to him, sure she did not like the fact this this man was here comforting her. But after holding her hair back so she didn't get sick all over it, Bryce had earned one brownie point.

"If I come off as hating you don't take it personally OK?" Olivia was completely serious and Bryce just smiled at her.

"As long as you pretend to like me when we're busting perps... it's fine by me." Bryce was trying, she could tell he was and she was grateful.

"I should probably get home." Olivia changed the subject, "Do you have my number?"

"Uh..." Bryce took out his cell phone and handed it to Olivia, "Put it in," She did so and then when it came to listing her name she blanked. What did she put down? Benson? Olivia? Olivia Benson? Liv? She finally decided on her last name.

"We're on call tomorrow so be ready for it." Olivia allowed him to help her stand up and he looked at her in concern.

"Maybe I should follow you home to make sure you get there OK..." Bryce stated this, he did not ask her but he just simply told her that he was going to follow her home.

"I'm fine." Olivia insisted.

"Where do you live?" Olivia told him and his eyes widened, "What?" she asked annoyed at his response.

"I live in the same building." Bryce's answer was too much for Olivia and she had to laugh, it was not a real laugh... it was the kind of laugh that happened when you knew like was fucking with you...

"Then I guess you're following me home..." Olivia got into her car and waited for Bryce to get in his own vehicle. Life couldn't get any shittier...

***********SVU***************SVU*****************

Elliot sat outside Olivia's apartment building. Her car was not in sight so he figured she was probably at work... Elliot could not bring himself to go to his mother's just yet. He felt that he could not leave until he said Good bye to Olivia the right way. She had left so abruptly that he had time to think it over, Kathy had taught him a lesson with her passing. To never leave any stone unturned... to never keep in what had to be said. God forbid something happened to Olivia or to him... but he was now realizing that he could not be careless about it anymore. He saw her car pull up, a car behind her. Fear rose in him, had someone followed her home? It looked that way, Elliot got out of his car just as Olivia was getting out of hers. A man in a blue suit got out of a silver Sedan and went over to Olivia.

"Hey!" Elliot yelled, causing Olivia and the man to jump, "Get away from her." Elliot crossed the street, running towards them.

"El-" Olivia started but the man that had been with her was now on the ground after he jumped on him, "Elliot stop it! He's my new partner!" Olivia's voice was filled with anger, sadness and surprise.

"Partner?" Elliot repeated the word and look down at the man, his eyes narrowed at Elliot.

"Yeah, partner now could you please get off of me before-"

"Bryce, this is Elliot." Olivia explained and realization washed over Bryce's face.

"Oh..." Elliot let him up and he brushed himself off, "Did you think I was...?"

"I'm sorry, I thought that you had followed her." Elliot apologized not able to look at him.

"Understandable." Bryce cleared his throat and the two men said nonverbal apologies to each other.

"Um... well..." Olivia was at a loss for words.

"I'll see you in the morning, call me." Bryce patted Olivia's shoulder, "If you need anything just let me know." Bryce left the two and Elliot looked at Olivia who looked torn.

"He lives here?" Was all Elliot could ask and Olivia turned on him.

"Why are you here? I thought you were leaving? El... I can't do this right now... I feel sick and... I'm tired and-"

"Are you OK? Do you need to go the hospital?" Elliot felt himself get sick with worry as he noticed that Olivia was pale and his instincts took over.

"No, no I just got food poisoning is all... eh." Olivia then looked defeated, "So... why are you here?" She looked at him and he all of the sudden felt like he had made a mistake.

"Can I come up?" He asked her and she looked like she was battling within herself.

"Yeah." Olivia began to walk and Elliot got the door for her, she thanked him and he followed her up the stairs.

"Do you need anything? Want some tea?" Elliot knew that he was probably sounding crazy at that moment but he did not care, Olivia was sick and his first thought was to make sure she was OK.

"I just need to lay down." Olivia answered as they entered her apartment, she went over to the sofa and plopped down. Elliot shut the door, making sure it was locked.

"We can wait to talk in the morning if you want." Elliot offered and she looked at him in utter confusion.

"I was ready... I was ready for you to go. I was ready to deal with the pain... the..." Olivia tapered off, "Just talk to me El." Elliot knew that she deserved an answer and he sat down next to her, putting a blanket over her. She accepted in and he kept his hand on her back.

"I couldn't leave without saying Good bye." Elliot started, "I don't want to leave on such a wrong note."

"Don't leave at all." Olivia's request made his heart break and he knew that this was going to be harder then he expected, "I know that sounds selfish but... El when I met my new partner today and had to come to terms that you were not going to be around at all... Elliot it was like... I had never felt so much pain."

"I have to." Was all Elliot could say, "I have to grieve on my own... in my own time..." Elliot put his face in his free hand, never taking away the one that rested on Olivia's back, "But I can't leave without telling you how I feel."

"I already know how you feel." Olivia sighed, rubbing her forehead, "Besides... it would be... wrong."

"What is so wrong about... feeling this way about you?" Elliot's question was rhetorical, he did not expect an answer, he knew there was nothing wrong with it. But with the fact that he had just lost his family there was no way it could feel right, not yet.

"It shouldn't feel wrong." Olivia's face crumbled, "But it does and... I can't do that."

"But-"

"Tell me when we're ready." Olivia looked up at him and he could see her eyes were bloodshot, "I'm sick of crying, I'm sick of feeling pain... I'm sick of it all." Olivia admitted and he nodded in understanding.

"Come here." Elliot gently pulled her to him, Olivia shook her head, "Liv please?"

"No."

"Liv I need to hold you... please..."

"El we can't, no it's too soon, what would Kathy think? How guilty are you going to feel later?" Olivia pointed out to him.

"You read that letter right? You read how Kathy knew..." It was hard for Elliot to talk about Kathy like she was still alive because she should have been, she had not deserved to have been forced to leave this world... no one had deserved to have lost her.

"If you want to do this right... do what you planned to do." Olivia bit her lip, "Go grieve... go..." Olivia was giving him her blessing and he would forever be grateful to her, she had no idea.

"I will only go if you come here first." Elliot opened his arms to her and Olivia just stared at them like she had no idea what to do, "Liv... please?"

"OK." Olivia fell into his arms and he felt her body mold against his. Elliot never wanted to let her go... it was like she was meant to be there. To stay in his arms forever... kissing the top of her head he felt her hold onto him tighter, "Don't go..." she wept into him.

"Shh..." He tried to calm her.

"Please don't leave me." Olivia pleaded and he held her tighter, "Please..."

"I'm so sorry Olivia." Elliot's tears mixed with hers as she looked up at him, their eyes never left each other as Elliot put a hand on her cheek, "You mean... so much to me, I don't think that you will ever know how much you mean to me Liv."

"Yes I do," Olivia insisted, "Because you mean as much to me as I mean to you." Then Olivia did the wrong thing... Elliot knew she could not stop herself. She placed a small kiss on his lips and he felt himself fall into her.

"No." He pulled away after a moment, "No we can't do this right now, no it wouldn't be right."

"Oh god... I'm so sorry," Olivia began, "El, I'm sorry, I... oh God." Olivia looked pained.

"Look at me." Elliot asked her and she shook her head, "Liv look at me."

"I can't."

"I need you to." So she did, "Ther will never be another you Olivia... never... don't think about me in a bad way... please... please don't hate me." With a kiss on her forhead Elliot got up. Olivia stayed on the couch, her whole body falling softly to the sofa, he sobs muffled by a pillow, "Please don't hate me... please." Elliot back away as she shook her head.

"I could never hate you El..." She told him as he opened the door to leave, "I could never hate someone I love so much." The door shut and he was running out of the apartment building. Running from her, running from what should have been... he was running because he had to, if he stopped he might go back. Olivia might not hate him, but he hated himself at that very moment.

AN: OMG. This story is wearing me out!!! lol... Onto the next chapter... AND it will be tomorrow ok?? I gotta go guys but I promise on my everything that we get some HAPPY chapters believe it nor not tomorrow... Don't worry!!! Filming needs to go on!!! Must go!!! So Read and Review!! A few more chapters tomorrow!!!!


	8. The torture is OVER

AN: AHEM... so... I've decided we've all been tortured enough... Elliot's cried enough, Olivia's cried enough... I've cried enough and I really don't want to send anyone into a state of depression so... here's a refreshing chapter... breathe guys, it's OK. Also I made a video to this fic... JuniperBRZE on Youtube.

SIX MONTHS LATER....

Was it possible to heal in such a short amount of time? Elliot Stabler would never forget his wife... no he would never forget her but the time he had spent at the Island with his mother... well it had done him some good. No more crying, no more pain... yes he would always miss Kathy but he had chosen to take the route of learning to remember her in a good way. Not to remember her as the wife he had divorced, the woman who had passed on that fateful day... but he gave Kathy a happy memory.

"All packed?" Bernadette Stabler came into her son's room and he turned to give his mother a content smile.

"Yup." Elliot walked over to her, her eyes looking teary. Elliot and his mother had always had a rocky relationship but in the time that came to pass Elliot realized how precious she was to him.

"It's been so good having you son... and... even though the circumstances were shitty... I'm proud of ya." She pulled him into a warm hug.

"Thank you Ma," Elliot held her close, a new beginning... Elliot had bought a new place in Manhattan. He had taken a trip back to his old house with his mother to pack up everything, Maureen had offered to take over the house and Elliot accepted. As much as he would have loved to go home, there were too many memories there. The only thing missing was Olivia... oh god... Olivia... she had tried to stay in contact with him, but he could tell how much pain it was causing her to be around him when she tried to visit him at some point. Elliot's kids were back at the house with Maureen, a sense of pride flew through Elliot when he thought of his children.

"I love you Elliot." Bernadette sniffled, "Come visit me OK?"

"Of course." Elliot kissed her on the cheek and got his suitcase off of the bed. He had invested in a new one, getting rid of the one that had been his and Kathy's.

"Stay safe." She waved to him as he got into his car and began his journey, looking down at his phone he decided to call Olivia. She never picked up, he didn't blame her... but he always left a message.

"You've reached Olivia Benson..." He listened to her message and waited for the beep.

"Liv, hey it's me. Um, well I'm leaving right now and was hoping to see you when I got there. Call me OK?" Elliot hung up and felt a pang in his stomach, Olivia would probably not call. She was so distant that it scared Elliot at times. Surely she had not forgotten him... no she loved him. He was finally ready and it felt like a cool summer breeze, he was ready for her. Elliot could only hope that she was ready for him... after all she had waited so long.

**************SVU******************SVU*******************

"Call him." Alex Cabot, ADA for SVU and good friend of Olivia was saying to her as they sat in Olivia's new House.

"I can't." Olivia frowned down at the phone, "What the hell am I supposed to tell him? What the hell do I say?" Olivia was tapping her fingers nervously on the lampside table.

"The truth would be nice, it would be better then dodging him..." Alex set her coffee down and gave Olivia a hard look, "He deserves the truth." Alex was right, but the truth was so hard.

"Well...maybe I can just tell him that I turned into a lesbian and you and I are..." Olivia's voice trailed off as Alex gave her a cold look, "Or... not."

"OK so let's try this one more time with feeling." Alex sat down next to Olivia who had finished her coffee, "Now what are you going to say to him?"

"Hey El, I know that I haven't spoken to you in months, thought I'd call and let you know that I'm about to break your heart. Bye." Olivia frowned, "You know that sounds so horrible...."

"Well when you say it like that." Alex closed her eyes for a moment, "OK so... lets think about this. Elliot left six months ago correct?"

"Six months and two weeks." Olivia muttered, she had counted the days.

"You got a new partner... who made you fall for him..." Alex sighed, "Do you love him?"

"Who? Elliot? Of course I love him, he's-" Olivia began.

"No, well yes but no, do you love Bryce?" Olivia already knew the answer, no. She did not love Bryce, did Bryce love her? Yes... he was a great man and in Olivia's rebound state she had turned to him. Talk about irony.

"No." Olivia closed her eyes when she said this, why did she feel like she was back in high school again??

"So you need to tell him." Alex said simply as if it were a piece of cake.

"I don't want to hurt him." Olivia said out of honesty, it was true she did not want to hurt Bryce.

"El or Bryce?" Alex rubbed her temple.

"Both, but no I don't want to hurt Bryce."

"Would you rather hurt Bryce then lose Elliot?" Alex questioned and Olivia shook her head harshly, her now longer hair going from side to side, "then you know what you need to do." Alex confirmed for her.

"Give me the phone." Olivia held out her hand and Alex handed her the house phone, "Hold my hand?"

"After that lesbian comment you made?" Alex teased her but held Olivia's hand as the brunette dialed Bryce.

"Hi sweetheart, I'm in the middle of court... can I call you back?"

"Uh... sure." Olivia was actually relieved that he was busy... _coward, _she thought to herself, _chicken._

"OK, love you." Click.

"Well that was fast." Alex smirked at Olivia who pulled her hand away.

"He's in court... oh god this fucking sucks." Olivia threw a pillow over her head and attempted to scream into it, her attempt failed.

"Yes it does." Alex pulled the pillow away and put it back on the couch.

"Bryce wants to take me out tonight to some romantic dinner... maybe I'll tell him then." Olivia pondered.

"If that's how you want to do it..." Alex said in a warning tone.

"Well how else? He's gone through so much trouble with reservations and-"

"Just so you can break his heart?"

"OK whose side are you on?" Olivia began to feel like Alex was being no help at all... serves her right for not having enough girl friends.

"Hey I'm a lawyer, I'm not on anyone's side but yours." Alex smiled at her and she kicked a book that was on the floor.

"Maybe I should text him." Olivia started again.

"You can't text message break up with him, geez Liv have some class."

"OK you are not helping at all so... yeah I think your lunch break is over... so bye." Olivia stuck her tongue out at her friend and got up as she heard a toddler begin to stir, "Liv's coming baby." Oh yeah that was another thing Olivia was dealing with, Eli. Maureen had asked Olivia to take him which was why she got a new place and had actually quit Special Victims herself... Elliot had no idea but she didn't care at the moment, all she cared was about giving Eli the mother figure he needed.

"Have fun with the baby, call me and let me know how it goes." Alex began to leave, "And Liv?"

"Yes?"

"See ya later." Alex winked at her and Olivia rolled her eyes at her friend. Rushing into Eli's room she saw that he had pushed out his stuffed Bunny Herbert.

"Did we lose our bunny?" Olivia picked up the stuffed toy as Eli held out his arms to her.

"Uh huh..." Eli was now talking and Olivia loved how he was growing.

"Here you go." Olivia pulled him out of his toddler bed and he wrapped his arms around her neck, placing his head on the stuffed bunny, "Are you hungry?"

"Uh huh..." Eli sounded like he was still tired so Olivia headed to the kitchen and set him in his booster seat to get him a snack.

"So... your daddy's coming back." Olivia made conversation with Eli as if it might help her through all of it.

"Daddy?" Eli was playing with a spoon.

"Yeah... Daddy." Olivia responded trying to sound excited... fail.

"Hmm...." Eli played with his bunny as Olivia got out a banana and began to cut it up.

"Maybe we'll go to the park..." Olivia said to him.

"Swing?" Eli asked her and she smiled at him.

"Sure," She set down the bananas and Eli began to eat. As Olivia watched him she realized how much she loved him. She knew that it might be wrong to love him so much... after all he was not hers... but she was his Godmother and that meant something.

"Done." Eli told her and she took him into the living room where his toys were, "TV?"

"No little man you watched TV this morning." Olivia ruffled his hair.

"TV...." Eli puckered out his lower lip.

"Nope." Olivia stood her ground, "How about some music?"

"Uh huh, uh huh." Eli got excited. Just as Olivia was about to turn on some music there was a knock at her door. Picking Eli up she went to answer it, it was Kathleen.

"Hey Liv, hey little bro." Kathleen happily took her youngest brother and hugged him.

"Hi sweetie, you want something to drink?" Olivia was used to Kathleen dropping in, she was back in college which was only a block away.

"Sure Liv that would be great." Kathleen walked in and sat down at the table, Eli playing with her necklace, "So... you know that Dad is on his way home right?"

"Uh... yeah he called." Olivia had hoped this would not come up.

"And let me guess you didn't call him back?" Kathleen rolled her eyes lovingly at Olivia, "Dad won't be mad about Bryce.... he'll be happy for you." She told her.

"You know it's more then that." Olivia told Kathleen and the girl nodded in understanding.

"I know, I know... Dad loves you... you love dad... what else is knew?" Kathleen then got serious, "Liv do you wanna be with my father?" The girls question made Olivia falter, she did not know what to say. Of course she wanted to be with Elliot... it was just so... complicated. Olivia could not wait when things became easy... that would be the day.

"I think we both know the answer to that one." Olivia looked at her and she smiled softly.

"But you don't wanna break Bryce's heart either." Kathleen watched Olivia, "Liv I know that you don't want to hurt Bryce... but I don't think my dad can take anymore heartache. When he lost mom-" Kathleen stopped herself and had to will something in her to go on, "After mom passed dad ran... he didn't know what else to do."

"I know sweetie, I know."

"So... please don't hurt him." Kathleen asked in a young voice.

"Listen to me, if it makes you feel better I'm breaking up with Bryce." Olivia was engulfed in blonde hair and a baby, "I'm guessing that makes you happy?" Olivia laughed at Kathleen's reaction.

"It makes me so happy you have no idea!" Kathleen beamed, "You've always been family Olivia." Kathleen's eyes watered, "We all love you... and... let's face it, even though mom will always be in our hearts." The girls eyes wavered, "Eli... he needs a mother... and you well..." Kathleen didn't need to finish her sentence because Olivia finished it for her.

"I love him, I love you all." Olivia kissed Kathleen's forehead, "Now... coffee or water?"

"Duh Liv, coffee." Kathleen's eyes twinkled and Olivia finally felt like it was going to be Ok... it had to be. As she went over to make Kathleen a single cup from her new coffee maker Kathleen's phone went off, "No, no Eli." Kathleen pulled her phone out of Eli's reach and he looked at Olivia, his lower lip quivering. Olivia walked over and took him out of Kathleen's lap as she answered her phone.

"Oh hi Daddy," Kathleen glanced at Olivia, whose eyes widened and Kathleen cringed, "Oh I'm... on my lunch break from classes.... yeah.... oh you are?" Kathleen looked at Olivia with round eyes, "Uh sure I can meet you, yeah." Kathleen scrambled to get her purse, "Ok... yeah.... OK daddy see you soon." She hung up and swirled around to face Olivia, "Dad is here, he's back... he said he left early..." There was a silence that Eli broke.

"Daddy?" He asked and the two women nodded.

"What are you going to do?" Kathleen asked Olivia who just shook her head in confusion.

"I have no clue... no clue at all."

***************SVU******************SVU*****************

Elliot looked around his new apartment, the furniture already there... he liked it. It was new, it was just what he needed. Kathleen had sounded a bit scattered when he spoke to her but how else was he supposed to expect her to act? Grabbing his keys, he headed out, whistling to himself as he made his way to his car. Olivia had not called... Elliot knew that she might still be struggling with everything and he understood with a full heart. Olivia had waited so long for him... longer then any woman should have had to wait for a man. That was why he loved her... Olivia loved him more then anyone other woman could ever love him and he felt like the luckiest man on earth. Driving to the small cafe he had told Kathleen to meet him at, there was a sight that made him do a double take. Outside of the cafe was his daughter, sitting at a table talking to... Olivia. Eli was in her lap and his heart began to beat faster.

"Hi." Was all Elliot could think of saying as he walked up to them. Kathleen shot up and embraced her father in a tight hug and he closed his eyes, taking her in. Olivia had stood as well as if greeting him, he opened his eyes to look at her. She looked different, her hair was longer which he loved, her clothes were classy and dressy... she looked happy.

"El..." Olivia spoke and he felt Kathleen take her arms away but slightly shove her father towards Olivia. Kathleen grabbed Eli out of Olivia's arms so that they were now empty... Elliot hugged his son and kissed him. Tears of happiness washing over him, then he turned to Olivia. She looked nervous now, almost like she wanted to run. No way in hell was he about to let her get away from him, without a word Elliot pulled her to him. Their bodies falling into each other, his arms around her so tight as if telling her how much he missed her, how much he was so sorry of what an ass he had been.

"Liv," Elliot whispered into her ear and he could feel whatever tension she was holding onto fall away. Her arms tightened around him as he did not let go of her, he never wanted to let go.

"You're here," Olivia sounded in a trance, "You're here..."

"I'm here.... and I'm not going anywhere." Elliot kissed her forehead and he heard her begin to cry.

"Um, I'm going to go get Eli a chocolate milk, is that OK Liv?" Kathleen's question made Elliot amused, his daughter was asking Olivia for permission to get his son chocolate milk.

"Uh, he's had his nap so a little chocolate milk won't hurt." Olivia looked at Kathleen over Elliot's arms, "Just make sure it's the smallest one, oh and even if he begs you for a cookie don't get him one, they make him crazy." Olivia went on and Kathleen laughed at her.

"OK Liv, OK... Daddy?" Elliot turned to his daughter, "It's good to have you back." She left them alone and Elliot looked down at Olivia.

"El... I'm-"

"Shh... it's OK, I know... I know it's been hard so I don't hold it against you at all for not returning my calls." Elliot soothed her.

"You don't?" Olivia sounded shocked and she pulled away to look at him, "OK... who the hell are you and where is that brooding Elliot Stabler that I know?" Her question made him chuckle.

"Let's just say I've had a lot of time," Elliot stared down at her, he wanted to kiss her so much, wanted to start with her...

"OK look, before anything goes any further I need to tell you something," Olivia bit her lip and Elliot became apprehensive all of the sudden. She needed to tell him something? What? What did she need to tell him? Oh god... had she changed her mind? She looked so serious it made Elliot narrow his eyes in concern.

"Tell me." Elliot prompted her and she softly took her arms away from him to sit down, looking at him to do the same thing. She wanted him to sit down... why? Why did she want him to sit down... was it that bad? "Liv... what's going on?"

AN: Now no worries... now would I torture you forever to make you go on staying sad??? NOOOO. I;m sorry if it sucked, I might redo it, tell me if I should!


	9. That was close!

AN: Now isn't this a nice twist? No worries, everything will be OK!!!!

Olivia chewed on her lower lip, she had not expected to see Elliot so soon but Kathleen had been adamant about it. Olivia had thrown logic out of the window when she decided to meet Elliot...

"Now before you get upset I want you to know that... I never... I never intended..." Olivia looked like she was about to throw up and Elliot put his hand on her own.

"Breathe Liv, whatever it is it can't be that horrible. How much have we been through together?" Elliot's demeanor was sort of freaking her out, seriously who was he? Where was the angry and miserable Elliot she once knew and loved? Well OK she still loved him no matter what but this was just kind of... strange?

"You remember how I had a new partner at SVU?" Olivia started and she saw Elliot's eyes glaze over.

"Oh Liv..." He did not look angry with her at all, in fact he looked almost sorry for her but the love in his eyes did not go away. In fact he did not look angry but... understanding?

"What?" Olivia had to ask him.

"You fell for him didn't you?" Elliot's casualty in the question made her look at him as if he were on drugs.

"OK so... that's not a problem?" Olivia asked him, in a way feeling unsure of what the hell Elliot was playing at.

"Do you love him?" Elliot's face turned serious and she looked down, she could not lie to Elliot, never...

"I thought I did, I know that he loves me." Olivia had taken away her hand from Elliot's and he just looked at her. His seemed to be amusement gone, pain was shining through and Olivia had to say something, "But... I don't love him like..." Her voice trailed off, "I could never feel for him how I feel for you." Olivia told him honestly and his face seemed to go into relief and he let out a huge breath he had been holding.

"So are you still with him?" Realization came over Elliot's eyes as he figured it out for himself, "So that's why you haven't call isn't it? Didn't want to tell me...." Elliot nodded his head as if coming to terms with something. But once again he did not look angry... just disappointed.

"Of course I didn't want to tell you... it was completely me being a lonely idiot..." Olivia then decided to tell him more, "I left SVU El."

"You did?" Elliot's eyes widened in shock, "You left? But you loved that job."

"Yeah... I did... but when you left it just felt... wrong." Was all Olivia could come up with, which was the truth, "Sure Bryce was an OK partner but he was never you... So I decided to move, get a new place... Eli lives with me now." Olivia saw Elliot's eyes light up and a smile spread across his face.

"Eli lives with you now? How come no one told me?" He asked looking a bit hurt now.

"I asked them not to... I didn't want to bother you or... look the point is that I am going to be breaking up with Bryce as soon as I can, you just needed to know that... I was a dummy."

"Liv, you are not and will never be a dummy." Elliot surprised her by reaching or her free hand, "Do you remember Dani Beck?"

"Oh God." Olivia rolled her eyes.

"No Liv listen to me, you remember her right?"

"Well I had hoped to forget her but now that you mention it..." Olivia gave him a look, "Oh... oh now you're going to try to relate to me aren't you?"

"Well in a way I can relate, Liv! When you left me for that undercover gig I turned to Dani... not because I loved her or because she was who she was... but because you weren't there. I had no one and... I want you to know that I understand what it's like to not want to be lonely." Olivia was not going to lie, she was in partial shock. Was Elliot for real? He looked like he was...

"El-"

"But you are going to be breaking up with him right? I mean... you meant what you said when you..." Elliot now looked flustered and she squeezed his hand.

"Yes, I am going to be breaking up with him." Olivia promised him and he kissed her hand, placing his mouth against her fingers.

"A little help here?" Kathleen spoke up and the two looked over to see her poking her head out of the cafe, she had gotten Eli chocolate milk and three other drinks. Elliot ad Olivia shot up to help her with the door, Olivia took the drinks from Kathleen as Elliot held the door open, "So... did I give you guys enough time to.... ya know... talk?" Kathleen looked at them and they looked at each other.

"You did perfect honey." Elliot smiled at her and she beemed.

"Just doing my part, oh Liv, I was going to take Eli for the afternoon if you wanted to show Dad the new place." Kathleen gave Olivia pointed look and Olivia's eyes widened at the girls suggestion.

"But school Kat... what about school?" Olivia cleared her throat.

"Classes were cancelled due to some guy yacking in the-"

"Forget I asked," Olivia smiled at her and she headed to the table with Eli.

"I don't have to come over." Elliot came closer to her.

"No... you uh you should see where your son sleeps and... well I'm not doing anything." Olivia felt sheepish.

"Great," Elliot grinned before joining Kathleen and Eli at the table. Olivia was confused, what was going on? What had happened? Elliot was fine with her having a boyfriend? Kathleen was trying to get them to... Olivia looked up at the sky like she did often now and rolled her eyes.

"Even in heaven you're still trying to help." Olivia whispered to no one living... but she knew that she was heard.

************SVU******************SVU***************

"So I'll just take him by the house, we were going to babysit him tonight anyway because of that date with..." Kathleen's mouth clamped shut and she looked over at Elliot who sighed.

"It's OK honey I know about Bryce." Elliot chuckled and Kathleen looked at him strangely.

"And you're OK with..." Kathleen turned to Olivia sweetly, "See I told you dad wouldn't have a conniption fit." Kathleen left the house and Elliot looked around with pride.

"This is beautiful Liv." Elliot nodded to her, "So it's just you and Eli huh?"

"Yup, just me and the little guy. Wow it's so quiet when he's not here." Olivia seemed to be avoiding Elliot and he understood in a sense why. She must have been totally caught off guard that he had not thrown something when he found about Bryce, it was not like Elliot could blame her. Like he had told her, Dani had been his rebound so he would be a hypocrite if he shunned Olivia for turning to another man. Was Elliot happy about it? The words hell no came to mind... but he refused to make her feel bad for something that was just as guilty for doing.

"I'm happy that Eli is with you Liv." Elliot told her bringing her back to him and she smiled with all of her brightness.

"Me too..." She agreed, "He's really grown on me, you know at first I was nervous, never being a mother..." Olivia looked down shyly.

"I always told you that you would make a great mom," Elliot felt his heart swell for her because he could tell she felt... guilty?

"Eli has a mom." Olivia said in a strained voice, "He still cries for her at times," She closed her eyes, "I've stayed up with him before just trying to calm him down, eventually he does... but it's still hard."

"Liv come here," Elliot held out his arms and she accepted them. Elliot closed his eyes, thankful that she did not refuse him. Olivia's arms rested around him and Elliot's eyes widened as he felt himself feeling something inappropriate. Feeling her body next to his, her breathing against his, his primal male instinct began to take over and he had to keep himself from running his hand through her hair, smelling her scent... Elliot pulled away slightly and Olivia looked at him in confusion, "Sorry..." he mumbled.

"It's OK... uh do you want something to drink?" Olivia wiped her eyes and headed for the kitchen.

"Sure." Elliot followed her into the kitchen and was pleased to see a bunch of Eli's things in a play pen, "Eli and you hang in here often?" He asked her looking pointedly at the toys and she laughed.

"More like we try, I've been trying this new thing called cooking... uh, Eli sits in there and plays with his toys until he finds watching me try to cook a meal more amusing, in the end we used to attempt to eat it... then I would call for take out. But I've finally gotten the hang of it." Olivia smiled in pride. Elliot looked around the rest of the kitchen, it was modern, she had a silver refrigerator, a white stove top. Enough counter space, Elliot smiled again when he saw pictures that Eli had drawn on the fridge. His smile faltered when he saw pictures in frames, there were pictures of Elliot and Olivia. The photo of Elliot holding Eli... then the photo of Elliot and his whole family, Kathy included.

"Eli should always remember his family," Olivia spoke up as she noticed him taking in the photos, "See El... he may live with me and sure I am family but... this is his famly that he should always be reminded of." Olivia picked up a frame of Kathy and Eli and handed it to Elliot with tears in her eyes, "I show this photo to Eli every day so he can remember his mommy," Elliot stared at the happy photo of Kathy holding a newborn Eli, the scratches on her face a reminder of what she had been through that day.

"You're amazing Olivia." Elliot told her with conviction, keeping his hands tighlty around the frame, "Kathy wouldn't have wanted it any other way." He smiled at her as she nodded in gratitude.

"I try." She hiccuped, rolling her eyes at her own sentiment.

"Well I'd hate to see you try your best." Elliot teased her and she shoved him slightly.

"Thanks."

"So... are these flowers from... ahem the boyfriend?" Elliot touched a bouquet that was settled nicely on the counter top in the middle of the kitchen and Olivia all of the sudden look uncomfortable.

"Yeah... those are from him." Olivia then looked around the kitchen, "God... he helped me move in here... I can't believe I was so-"

"I swear Liv if you call yourself stupid I will be forced to flatter you for the next hour." Elliot cut her off and she heaved a sigh.

"He'll be here in two hours," Olivia looked like she wanted to throw up or cry or... something.

"What are you going to tell him?" Elliot asked her casually.

"I have no idea." Olivia admitted and Elliot raised any eyebrow.

"Tell him the truth." He offered and Olivia looked a bit taken back.

"So tell him that you're back and... I'm leaving him for... something that I've been waiting to..." Olivia shook her head, "I can't do that to him, I was going to break up with him before you got back I just never knew if you were ever truly..." Olivia stopped herself.

"You didn't think that I would be coming back?" Elliot asked her in complete disbelief.

"I had to make it bearable El... the night you left... I was... oh my god I was a mess..." Olivia looked out of the window....

_FLASHBACK TO THE NIGHT ELLIOT LEFT_

_Olivia felt her heart fall to pieces as Elliot shut the door, as if she already didn't feel like dying. Elliot had definitely rubbed salt in the wound. How could he do this? How did he expect her to do this? It was not fair... not at all... Olivia had never felt so torn. Falling to the floor, Olivia curled up into a ball, pulling the cover over her that Elliot had wrapped around her._

_"Olivia?" There was a knock at her door and she jerked her head up._

_"El?" Olivia found herself ask softly._

_"Olivia it's Bryce, I brought you some sprite... are you OK?" Olivia wanted to throw something at the door. No, she did not want sprite. She wanted to forget that she was even going through this! Was she OK? Holy shit no she was not, she was in the worst state possible! The man she loved had taken off on her... it had to be the worst feeling in the entire world... next to losing someone to death. No, it was before losing someone to death because that person chose to leave... a person who did not ask to die did not want to leave the earth._

_"Ugh." Olivia groaned angrily and made herself go over to her door, she opened it and the moment Bryce saw her his face contorted in concern._

_"Oh my god are you alright?" Bryce's eyebrow's knitted with concern and Olivia just looked at him in frustration._

_"Do I look alright?" She dared to ask him._

_"You look like someone just... well..."_

_"Died?" Olivia grabbed the sprite and turned to go back into her apartment, in a way inviting Bryce in, "Well are you going to come in or just stand there?" Olivia was in no mood to play games. She heard Bryce come in and shut the door._

_"What happened?" He asked her, his tone soft, not like Elliot's would have been. Elliot would have demanded what had happened, it sounded like Bryce would do with what he could get from her._

_"The... bastard came back to rub my face in it." Olivia was in so much pain at that moment that her guard completely fell, "Had to say good bye." Olivia looked over at Bryce, his eyes thick with concern._

_"It might have done _him_ some good but look at you." Bryce came over to her and put a hand on her shoulder, she should have shook it off but she was grateful for the contact. She needed to know that someone was physically there for her, she craved it._

_"He's not as bad as he sounds." Olivia found herself defending him._

_"Leaving you like this, he's not getting any points on my list." Bryce huffed, "I know he's greiving right now but... to come here and make you like this?" Bryce paused, "That's just sloppy and selfish." There was silence, Olivia wanted to tell Bryce that he had no idea what he was talking about. But she was so upset that she could not argue with him..._

_"I never knew that it was this possible to feel so much pain because of someone else... someone who shouldn't even..." Olivia bit her lip and shook her head._

_"What? Someone who shouldn't even matter? Oh come on Olivia...you know that being partners with him for so long that there's going to be something there." Bryce once again had a tone of understanding and she was so grateful for it._

_"But it shouldn't." She demanded._

_"It still doesn't mean it can't happen..." Bryce led her over to the sofa and she sat down, sinking in the cushions. Bryce sat down next to her, not close, he kept his distance. Even if he had tried to be close to her Olivia would not have noticed, she was so out of it that she just wanted to fall into a black hole and disappear._

_"Do you need chocolate or... ice cream?" Bryce's question made her look at him like he had gotten down on one knee and proposed all of the sudden, "What? Did I say or do something wrong?" Bryce asked taking notice of her face._

_"N-no... I'm sorry it just... took me by surprise." Olivia admitted, "I've never had anyone attempt to get me ice cream or... chocolate." Olivia found her lips curve up in an small smile and Bryce smiled back at her._

_"Well that's a downright shame, so tell me... what is your favorite ice cream? Because having two sisters and a mother... I know women pretty well..." Bryce took out his pad of paper and Olivia squinted at it._

_"What are you doing?" She asked in a bemused tone._

_"Taking down what you need, now... is there a certain brand of ice cream of chocolate that you-"_

_"You're actually serious aren't you?" Olivia was in actual shock and Bryce just chuckled at her._

_"If that pain in your eyes is serious then so is this," Bryce got back down to business, "I know we just met and you don't have to tell me the whole story... but I mean it would be wrong of me to not try to help." Bryce cleared his throat and looked at her expectantly, "So what will it be?"_

_END FLASHBACK...._

"You fell for him because he got you chocolate?" Elliot gave Olivia a look after she told him what had happened.

"No silly, it was the ice cream. It was just... I was in such a shamble that night that..."

"It's OK Liv... I know that if I had stayed though... well we would not have gotten a fresh start." Elliot knew that she understood, "But it still hurt I know."

"Yeah... but I do know that you did it for the right reasons... just don't do it again... OK? I couldn't take it." Olivia looked at him and he set down the picture, going to her.

"I will never leave you ever again Liv, EVER." Elliot promised her and he saw relief wash over over face.

"I believe you." Olivia nodded and Elliot wanted to kiss her... he was ready... but was she?

"Liv-"

"I need to call Bryce and call this off, I can't go to dinner with him." Olivia sighed bringing him out of his thoughts.

"No, you should go." Elliot surprised her by saying this.

"Wow... that was something I had not expected to hear." Olivia looked taken back, "Why?"

"Well from what it sounds like this Bryce guy isn't that bad and there's this thing called trust..." Elliot slowly smiled at her, "I trust you Liv."

"So you actually want me to go out to a romantic dinner with another man?" Well when she put it like that...

"On the other hand maybe you should just call him... or something." Elliot all of the sudden realized how serious it was, he had kind of been pushed aside. Olivia had something with another man, if he had not come back when he did-

"I'll call him and tell him to meet me somewhere." Olivia nodded, "I hope that he will still at lteast be my friend." Olivia looked at Elliot as she went over to her cordless phone.

"I by default cannot like him." Elliot told Olivia honestly.

"By default?"

"Well... he is the other man so... if you expect me to be all nice and buddy buddy with him then... well Liv I want to be with you but that just aint gonna work."

"So I guess Christmas is out then?" Olivia teased and Elliot stood his ground.

"I'm serious Liv... I mean I can understand the whole you needed someone but actually seeing the guy again with my own two eyes? No... unh uh." Elliot crossed his arms over his chest.

"Now there's the Elliot Stabler I was waiting for." Olivia looked like she had accomplished something and Elliot looked at her in complete amusment.

"Thanks...." Elliot teased her and she just shrugged.

"I'm going to go make this phone call, there's chicken caserole in the fridge if you're hungry." Olivia told him before leaving the kitchen. Elliot hated chicken caserole... but if Olivia had made it? He would eat it any day.

AN: AWWWWWWWWWW. Cute chapter... I have to say so myself! So like the reason you're getting updates like this is because I write in between takes while on set and then when I get around to it on the times I'm not shooting. For those of you who keep asking me what I'm filming, it's an indie movie with a few people you might know of. Just keep watching youtube, I will be posting a new video soon of me and my friends on the cast. haha you cannot even imagine the looks on their faces as I'm typing away on my laptop and they are like, "SHHH Quiet on set!!!" And I'm like... "CRAP." And am bursting with needing to write so I actually have a pad of paper. Ahem, a costar of mine stole it...ok well he claims he borrowed it. But he was all depressed and then was acting all angry at me and I was like, "What the hey is your problem? Getting into character already?" He just stared at me and said, "I want to thank you for making me all sad because of your story... holy crap how could you kill Kathy?? She's not that bad!" I was like, "You watch SVU?" He was totally messing with me but I still felt kind of bad... oops. Well now he can't find it mwuahaha... it has a secret hiding gotta go...


	10. The moment you've all been waiting for

AN: So that last chapter? It was looooong but it needed to be.... so here you go... because I love you :) AND also I need your help, read this chapter, tell me what you think... let me know what you want in the story!!!!

Olivia stared down at the phone, heading to her bedroom. This was not going to be an easy call by any means. She could hear Elliot making himself comfortable in the kitchen and she smiled to herself. It felt so good to have her other half back with her, she finally felt like nothing could go wrong again.

"Bad news baby," Bryce answered his cell, he sounded like death run over twice.

"What's wrong?" Olivia asked, forgetting about the real reason she had called.

"You know that cold Eli had a week ago?" SNEEZE, "Well... I think I have it."

"Oh Bryce..." Olivia sighed, "I'm sorry that you feel so shitty, that cold knocked Eli off his feet...literally."

"I'm afraid dinner is off tonight... but I thought maybe I could swing by..."

"But you're sick." Olivia began to panic at the idea of one Elliot Stabler and one Bryce Brannock in the same room together.

"Since when has that ever stopped me? Besides I could use some of your famous chicken noodle soup." Bryce really knew how to make this harder then it needed to be didn't he?

"No you're feeling bad, I'll come to you." Olivia offered, yes... that was much better. She would bring him soup... tell him it was over and hoped that they could still be friends. Oh if it were only that easy...

"That sounds perfect, see you in an hour?"

"Yeah, be there soon." She hung up before he told her he loved her. Olivia headed back to the kitchen to see Elliot literally stuffing his face with casserole, "Starve much?" She teased him.

"This... is the best casserole ever." Elliot pointed down with his fork, "I gotta be be honest I hate chicken casserole... but this," Elliot took another bite, a look of bliss on his face, "This is the best meal I've had in...well... damn I don't know." Elliot went back to eating, then stopped to look up at Olivia, "So? how did it go?"

"Well he's sick." Olivia sighed, sitting down next to Elliot at the dining table.

"Did you tell him?" Elliot asked.

"I'm not telling him over the phone." Olivia rolled her eyes at him.

"So... what are you going to do?"

"Um... I'm going to bring him some soup, go over and break it to him." Olivia watched for Elliot's reaction.

"You're making him soup?"Elliot all of the sudden looked a bit peeved.

"He asked me to." Olivia looked away from his eyes and his fork hit the plate with a clatter.

"Liv I know you care about this guy but-"

"El, I will take care of it," Olivia put her hand on his, "Now look, I'm making him soup... not a handmade quilt. In fact I have some in the freezer from when Eli had a bad cold last week." Olivia looked at Elliot who seemed to be struggling.

"So you're going over there?" The unhappy tone unsettled Olivia.

"No I thought I'd mail it to him, yes I'm going over there." Olivia got up from the table.

"And... you're not going to change your mind are you?" Elliot asked her as if he were ready to be hurt... like he was expecting her to tell him that she would.

"Look at me El." Olivia waited for him to look up at her, "I am not going to change my mind, why would I?"

"I don't know... maybe... well-"

"I love you." Olivia had planned on telling him in a more romantic way, she had planned on them dating for a bit... getting into it and then when the time was right she would tell him... but he needed to hear it.

"You do?" Elliot had the sparkle back in his eye.

"Of course." Olivia was now annoyed with him, making her admit it and then questioning her, "I'm going to go get dressed." She began to walk out when Elliot grabbed her hand, stopping her.

"No, you can't just leave after you tell me that." Elliot pulled her gently to him, "You can't tell me you love me and not let me say that I love you too." Hearing these words Olivia's heart swelled. Elliot then cradled her face with his hands, staring at her first, Olivia closed her eyes as he leaned over to kiss her forehead, then her cheek... then her nose and finally... her lips. So much pent up, so much passion... it was a sight to see as they explored each others mouths.

"Oh god." Olivia squeaked out as Elliot began to run his hands all over her, his lips trailing her neck with kisses.

"No," Elliot pulled back, "We can't do this now."

"Oh my god what now?" Olivia's face was flushed and she could feel herself wanting him... needing him.

"When the time is right..." Elliot ran a hand through her locks, "I want this to be perfect Liv."

"But-" Olivia began, her mouth silenced by Elliot's mouth on hers. She did not protest but she felt herself wanting more from him, hadn't they waited long enough?

"Go heat up some soup... take it over to rebound guy and break it off Liv... I'll be here." Elliot kissed her ear and she sighed into him.

"Fine... OK..." Olivia attacked him once more almost toppling him over but he found his grounding.

"Liv go break up with this guy so I can have you all to myself... please?" Elliot pleaded to her and she sighed.

"There's dessert in the freezer," Olivia told him, pulling away, "If you want some. Strawberry Shortcake."

"So now you're bribing me with food." Elliot smirked at her and she nodded.

"Yup, sure am." Olivia headed to her bedroom to dress down, she did not want to look her best for Bryce. She could not believe how Elliot had kissed her, it had been absolutely perfect. They had always beat around the bush about saying the L word... she had said it before but... now... oh how much she loved that man. Olivia began to change when she saw her cell phone go off, it was Bryce.

"I left something at your place so I am... here." The doorbell rang and Olivia dropped the phone. Forgetting she only had on a T-shirt she ran to the door as Elliot was heading to answer it.

"Liv what the-?" Elliot looked her up and down and she put a finger up.

"Not a word," Olivia turned to the door and the doorbell rang again, "Hold on!" Olivia pulled Elliot into the hallway, "Bryce is here."

"Come again?"

"He decided to show up... now El... oh my god do not hate me for asking you this but do you think that you could maybe..."

"Hide?" Elliot looked blown away, "You want me to hide? Olivia it's not that bad."

"Not that bad? Not that bad..." Olivia felt herself get faint, then they both heard it. A key was turned and Olivia shoved Elliot into a closet, closing the door.

"Figured you might not hear me so... Liv... you get dressed down for me?" Bryce smiled at her, shutting the door.

"We need to talk." Olivia pressed her back against the closet door.

"Is everything ok?" Bryce asked looking truly concerned, "Are you... Liv are you preg-"

"Oh my God no I'm not pregnant, if I was I wouldn't tell you in a Giant's Jersey." Olivia rolled her eyes at him.

"Good point, so... what's going on?" Bryce eyed the closet, "Is there a reason you're guarding the closet door like there's buried gold in there?"

"Guarding? I'm not guarding it... no... just... hangin' out..." Olivia prayed to God that Elliot did not hate her for this.

"Well can you move babe? My jacket is in there." Of course it was... of course the one thing he came for was something that had to be in the closet that she had shoved Elliot into. Trying to think of a way to stall and came up with nothing, Olivia finally moved aside.

"You sure you're Ok Liv? You're acting- AHHH!" Bryce jumped when he opened the door to see Elliot standing there.

"Hi..." Elliot smiled at him and waved his fingers at him. Oh shit...

********SVU*********SVU**********

Bryce was gone before either of them could say anything. Elliot left the closet and looked at Olivia who looked pained.

"Well that went well." She sighed and then closed her door, Bryce had left it open, did not even slam it.

"Hey it had to happen one way or the other... but Liv... come on the closet?" Elliot looked over at the tiny space he had just come out of.

"I panicked! God only knows how you and Bryce would have beat the crap out of each other." Olivia had a point, Elliot would beat the living hell out of Bryce... the bastard. Elliot was trying to be as nice as possible about it but the truth was he was furious.

"Well now you're free tonight." Elliot shrugged, trying to lighten the mood.

"I feel shitty." Olivia admitted.

"Why?"

"Because did you see the look on his..." Olivia's voice trailed off as Elliot's face contorted into hurt. He knew she had cared about him but my god... did she have to be so... damn honest?

"Is this going to do any damage?" Elliot asked her and she shook her head.

"All I care about is you," Olivia told him honestly, "Bryce will get over it... you... well you're another story." Olivia walked carefully over to him, still in only a T-shirt, "See the difference between you and Bryce is that I love you... with all of my being." Her words made him smile and feel warm inside.

"I want you to know that I'm ready Liv... ready for you... ready for it all..." Elliot told her honestly and she looked like she had been hit with a happy stick.

"You mean it?"

"Of course."

"Mmm." Olivia pulled him to her and kissed the crevice of his neck, Elliot wrapped his arms around her, feeling her hair, her neck... her breathing against his. Olivia began to kiss his neck softly and Elliot found himself reacting.

"Liv..."

"Shh..." Olivia shushed him and his eyes fluttered closed allowing himself to feel her touch, feel the way he knew she would always make him feel, "How ready are you?" Olivia pushed his back against the wall and Elliot opened his eyes to look into hers.

"Just waiting on you." Olivia's mouth covered his own and he allowed his hands to wander down, lower and lower.

"Can I kiss you forever?" Olivia asked, pulling her mouth from his neck for a moment.

"Please..." Elliot's voice was raspy, Olivia had began to unbutton his shirt... Elliot gasped at the exposure to the cool air on his skin, Olivia replaced the cool air with her warm hand and Elliot was in a frenzy. Pulling his arms back up to her waist, he pulled her up from her feet, her legs wrapped around his waist he could feel her there... Olivia kept kissing his neck as he carried her to her bedroom, Olivia took her legs from around him and shoved him against the door, causing it to shut. Things were getting more heated, Elliot had wanted it to be right... perfect... but who the hell was he kidding? It didn't have to be the perfect date, the perfect night. It didn't matter, all he needed was her and that made it perfect.

"Come here." Olivia whispered to him, taking his hand and led him to the bed. She had a gold and red comforter and too many pillows to make it completely girly, Elliot loved it. Elliot took the lead and laid her down on the bed, climbing on top of her and finally setting himself between her. Elliot's lips traced her neck down to her collarbone, the top button on her shirt was showing a bit of her, he kissed her there too.

"I want to feel you Olivia." Elliot whispered to her and she opened her eyes to look down at him, glassy from the bliss Elliot was putting her into. Olivia took his hand and placed it on her lower stomach, she raised her lips to his and he put his hand through her hair, keeping her balanced against him. Their tongues danced together. Elliot opened his eyes to look at her as he brought his head next to hers. Lowering his hand, Elliot found the line of her silk panties. He could feel himself ready to make that next move... he could tell she wanted it. Olivia raised herself slightly coming into closer contact with his hand and it slid underneath the fabric and he slowly began making circular motions with this index finger.

"Oh my god." Olivia breathed out, her face was flushed as Elliot massaged her. Elliot began to kiss the tops of her now exposed breasts, he could feel her stomach tense and he knew that in such a short amount of time he had caused her to peak. Olivia laid there underneath Elliot as he kissed her tenderly, happy to make her feel so good. Olivia all of the sudden gave him a devilish grin as she got off of her back and pulled him down onto the bed. Elliot was now looking up at her as she climbed on top of him, now she was in control. Leaning down she kissed him tenderly on the lips, then blew on his neck causing him to shiver from pleasure.

"Liv..." Elliot moaned. Olivia had now reached down with her right hand and began to undo his jeans, "Liv?"

"Shhh." Olivia actually giggled, "Be patient..." Hadn't he been patient long enough? Good God they really knew how to torture each other didn't they? Elliot's mind was brought back to reality when he felt Olivia's hand leave his jeans after he had been exposed and place a hand on him. Elliot bit his lip as the pleasure was so great... he would never be able to describe it, being in Olivia's grasp made him want more, he needed more... he needed to be inside her. Olivia's hand was making him go into a trance, her hand did not leave him as he slipped off her panties, she kicked them aside, "I want to feel you El." Olivia positioned herself over him so he was in the right spot to enter her. That was when Elliot knew that he wanted to be the one to take the initiative. Sitting himself up slightly he wrapped his arm around Olivia's waist, pulling her down next to him. Elliot wanted to watch her face as it happened, he wanted to look into her eyes, he wanted to see her looking up at him.

Olivia did not protest as Elliot was now the one of top, in fact she looked like she was under some type of spell. Elliot allowed her to guide him to her and the contact was almost too much for him, but he refused to let go... Olivia's eyes widened as he kept his eyes on hers, the first step into their intimate experience and they both wanted to look into the others eyes. Olivia allowed him to take his time, even though she was grasping at his hips as if trying to help him go faster. Finally, when Elliot was completely inside her he did not move, he just laid there allowing her to feel the connection as well as himself. Olivia looked up at him lovingly before putting her right hand on his neck, pulling his lips to hers. Elliot kissed her back and decided it was the perfect time to make the first move. Deepening himself into her she gasped at the contact, Elliot did not blame her. His own world was being turned upside down as he felt her around him, taking him in completely.

Olivia's face was now relaxing as he thrust into her, their hips moving together. Elliot could feel her tighten around him, hers arms wrapping around him and pulling him close to her as she came. Elliot willed himself to not let go just yet, he wanted to give Olivia more pleasure before exploding himself. He did not quicken his pace, he wanted to make love to her... Olivia seemed surprised at how much she was coming.

"I love you." She told him, "This has never... felt so right." She closed her eyes every time he went deep into her.

"I love you so much Olivia." Elliot used her full name because even though he loved her nickname, while making love to her it was important for him that she hear her whole name.

"I'm ready for you to come with me." Olivia told him and he nodded. He didn't want to in a sense, if he could stay in this bliss forever he would. But he could feel that he would not be able to last much longer, after all he had waited for this moment for how long? As he felt himself getting close, he allowed Olivia to pull him closer to her. The contact was like no other, Elliot's arms snaked around Olivia to hold her close to him as it happened.

"Oh god." Olivia's legs tightened around him and it sent him over the edge. Elliot shot into her so much that a thought occurred to him... a thought that didn't stop him of course.. but a thought of results that happened when you made love flickered through him... Elliot looked into her eyes and she kissed him again.

"Wow." Was all he could say to her and she smiled up at him, her eyes bright.

"Yeah... wow." Olivia stayed beneath him, their breathing staying in sync.

************SVU*******************

SO... do you still hate me??? LOL I actually wrote a WHOLE other chapter before this... then edited and realized that we just needed some good old... EO sex. Yeah.. drama would be good but we had a bunch of that like in the first 7 chapters??? Actually in my original chapter Bryce and Elliot get into a brawl... lol that was fun to write but honestly guys it didn't go with the story :( Like it made things more complicated lol... and I was like... I don't feel like giving the readers more complictions.... why not smooth sailing?? EO sex is awesome to write... yes it is.... Actually let me know if you want to read some El and Bryce fighting cause if you do I can TOTALLY write it in. It's up to you guys... I'll let you decide before I publish anymore chapters... cause I'm like into chapter 15 already... yeah.... So tell me if you want drama between Bryce and El... because I can TOTALLY do that!!! Oh and are you guys happy now??

To tell you the truth with the lack of reviews last udpates?? I kind of got discouraged... do you guys wants me to keep going?? Let me know...


	11. Dinner and Fluff

AN: So I was lucky enough to catch a HORRIBLE stomach flu and could not update at all!! So sorry for that !!! I have tallied all of the reviews and well...I hope everyone is happy with this chapter! Oh and Elliot is catholic for the reviews that mentioned no condom, which means he does not believe in birth control... heh...

Olivia had offered to make Elliot dinner, spaghetti with sausage meatballs and Garlic Bread. He was not about to pass up great food that beat take out any day and it was nice of her to want to cook for him. As Elliot showered his thoughts began to wander, he had no regrets. No way was he about to take back anything that was said or done earlier. He thought he might feel a bit guilty since it had only been six months since his wife passed... but he knew that Kathy wanted him to be happy and happy he was. As he finished with the hot rinse he could smell the food being prepared and smiled. As he got dressed his cell phone went off and he saw that it was Maureen.

"Hi baby." He answered the phone, happy to hear from his oldest daughter.

"Hi daddy, are you still at Liv's?" Maureen sounded rushed, she was speaking over noise in the background.

"Yeah, she's cooking dinner right now, what's up?" Elliot remembered how they were watching Eli tonight, she must have been calling to see what time they would be picking the little guy up.

"Oh not much, he listen if it's OK with you and Liv I was wondering if Eli could spend the night? He's having such a good time, we were going to order pizza and watch movies, I can drop him off at Liv's in the morning. Will you let her know?" It sounded like Maureen had not even expected her father to say no but he understood. Olivia had mentioned that Eli had been attached to her at the hip lately.

"Sounds good Honey." Elliot smiled at the thought of having the rest of the night all to themselves. Now he could devote as much time as possible to making this special for Olivia... it was after all a special occasion... the first day the finally told one another how they felt... made love until they were both exhausted... Elliot smiled at the memory.

"So are you doing OK?" Maureen casually asked, worry was evident in her voice. Of course she was worried about her father, Elliot had been gone so long that it did not surprise him that his children would worry, "I mean Kathleen told us that you seemed OK but... I wanted to know how you were doing really."

"I'm actually doing pretty good sweetheart...I'm holding up better then I thought I would; how about you?"

"I'm doing just fine... are you going to come see the house?" Maureen's question hit him in the chest like a ton of bricks. He paused before answering her, was he ready to go see the house? He was afraid of what it might bring back for him. He had only been back that one time... and that had torn him apart.

"Eventually sweetie." Elliot told her honestly.

"Well take your time, oh gotta go, Pizza's here." Obviously Maureen had expected them to say yes since the pizza had already been ordered, his children made him smile

"Love you."

"Love you too Dad." They hung up and Elliot couldn't help the grin that was spreading on his face. Not wanting to wait to tell Olivia the good news he headed for the kitchen, Olivia was standing at the counter chopping onions and he came to stand behind her. Wrapping his arms around her waist, Olivia laughed.

"Careful." She teased him.

"So I've got some good news." Elliot set his head down on her shoulder, ignoring the strong aroma of the onions and focusing on her apple scented shampoo.

"And what's that?" Olivia turned to look at him, handing him a sliced black olive which he happily accepted.

"Maureen called, she wants to keep Eli over night." Elliot kissed her softy and she smiled into his mouth.

"So that means..."

"That means we have the whole night to do whatever... we want." Elliot gave her a seductive look and she raised an eyebrow at him.

"Oh really..." Her cheeks flushed, not from embarrassment but from the heat of his body against hers.

"Yup so you know what we're going to do?" Elliot raised a hand to her hair and swept it to one side to reveal her neck.

"I have a few guesses." Olivia went back to chopping.

"Gutter mind." Elliot teased her and she just shook her head lovingly at him, "I'm going to take you somewhere tonight." Elliot whispered in her ear.

"Is that a metaphor?" Olivia was on a roll and he had to give it to her, ah well. He would be happy to surprise her.

"You'll see." Elliot then looked at the pots on the stove, "Need help?"

"Nope, this is for you so all you need to do is-" Olivia caught him staring at her in amusement, "Oh alright, you can check on the Garlic bread for me." Elliot smiled and went to check the oven. The Garlic bread looked about done and he went for the oven mitts.

"Once I add these vegetables to the sauce and let it simmer for a few, we should have us a nice meal."

"Since you've cooked such a magnificent feast can I at least set the table?" Elliot offered and she nodded to him. Elliot did not leave her side before kissing her once more, he went to the table and took out two plates, two sets of silverware. He took notice of a few candle holders set aside and smiled to himself. Placing the candles into the middle of the table, he found some matches as Olivia still cooked away. Elliot lit the candles and watched for Olivia to turn around.

"Alright, looks like dinner is-" Olivia stopped in mid sentence when she saw the candles flickering lightly on the table. Her whole face became soft and her eyes even dampened, Elliot walked over to the dining chandelier light switch and turned it down. Olivia abandoned the stove to walk over to Elliot, her eyes never leaving his.

"Well?" Elliot asked her lightly and she just looked at him in amazement.

"It's beautiful." Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him softly, Elliot returned the sweet kiss, his arms snaked around her pulling her closer to him. Once Olivia slowly pulled away to look at him he smiled at her, "I love you." She kissed him once more before letting go, "Now let me get dinner before we forget about it." Elliot laughed at this, he went to get the Garlic Bread as Olivia made two plates for them. She had also made a wine vinaigrette tossed salad. It was perfect. They sat down to eat but before they started Olivia got a bottle of wine out of her wine case.

"This is nice." Elliot told her as they sat next to each other at the glass topped dining table.

"Yeah... it is." Olivia nodded as Elliot poured her a glass of wine.

"Would it be too cheesy to toast?" Elliot asked her and she gave him her famous crooked grin.

"You really wanna stop now with the romance?" She gave him a huge smile and he raised his glass.

"To the most wonderful woman who has the ability to make me calm when I'm feeling excited... to a woman who makes me feel like every time I see her it must be a miracle... to you Liv." Elliot's sentiment caused more tears in Olivia's eyes and she bit her lip.

"To the man who makes me happiest when the world could be ending... that makes me laugh when I'm not supposed to... to you too El." They leaned over and kissed before taking a drink. Elliot watched as she took a bite of the salad and chewed in content. He did the same and it had to be the best salad in the entire world, they talked about everything... until they were too full to even take another sip of wine.

"Well now that we're more full then hippos... what do you say to a walk?" Elliot got up and began clearing the table. He found it only right to clean up since she had worked so hard on the meal. Olivia did not protest.

"A walk?" Olivia implored sounding a bit surprised.

"Yeah... I thought I could take you somewhere... you know... a surprise?" Elliot gave her his famous smile and she looked intrigued.

"A walk it is." Olivia stood up from the table and stretched, "I wonder if I should call and check on Eli."

"Go for it." Elliot wasn't about to stop Olivia from being the nurturer of his son. In fact he loved her even more for taking the time to think about Eli, Olivia probably had no idea how much it meant to Elliot that she loved his children so much. Looking over at her, she was already on the phone.

"Hi Maureen, it's Liv." Olivia began as Elliot started to rinse off the dishes, "How's the little man?... Oh did he? Yeah... he loves pepperoni, sometimes he won't even eat the rest of the pizza... so he's doing OK?... Yes I know... alright well thanks sweetie, see in the morning... love you too." Olivia hung up and looked over at Elliot, "He's doing just fine."

"Feel better?" Elliot didn't have to ask her this, he already knew she was... the look of complete relaxation on her face told him she did. But Elliot still enjoyed asking her.

"Much better," Olivia nodded and then looked down at herself, "Well if we're going for a walk I should change."

"Liv you look beautiful." Elliot told her and she did, she was dressed in black slacks, a tight red and black vest shirt and she did look absolutely stunning.

"You're supposed to say that." Olivia called to him as she had already left the kitchen.

"Liv trust me I would tell you if you didn't look good." And that was true, Elliot would honest with her. But to him she was always beautiful. Olivia reappeared in an outfit that almost made him fall. He had to lean against the counter for support. She had changed into a sun dress. But it was casual... she had black sandals on and Elliot just stared at her.

"Well what do you think?" Olivia asked and he just stared at her.

"You still look beautiful." Elliot turned off the water and dried off his hands, "You look amazing."

"Why thank you." Olivia leaned over to kiss him and then got excited, "So... where do you plan to walk me to?"

"Well we'll have to take a cab to get there." Elliot winked at her and she just gave him a knowing look.

"El... tell me!"

"Liv... I won't." Elliot snickered at her and she just rolled her eyes.

"Well come on then, let's go." Olivia got her purse thatwent with her outfit, Elliot was already dressed in a nice ensemble. Making sure everything was turned off the couple left the house and Elliot hailed a cab.

"Now you're probably going to wonder why I'm taking you where I am... but it will all make sense once we get there." Elliot smiled at her.

"OK..." Olivia allowed Elliot to open the door for her and she got in. Elliot whispered to the driver before sitting back with Olivia, tonight was going to be a good night... he could feel it.

****************SVU***************SVU****************

"Elliot Stabler." Olivia was in awe as Elliot took his hand away from her eyes, there stood a carriage... with two white horses.

"I figured that since we've always come to this park... you always said you wanted to ride the carriages... well Liv." Elliot was tackled by Olivia who kissed him, almost knocking him over.

"Have I mentioned how much I love you?" Olivia gushed at him and he kissed her nose.

"Just a million times but that's OK because I love you right back." Elliot helped her into the carriage, the park was lit with beautiful lights, Elliot found himself surprised with himself. He had never done anything like this for Kathy, in a way he wish he had... but their relationship was all about the kids... Elliot was not about to blow it this time... he and Olivia had something new... the oldest kind of new but he loved it.

"Oh El." Olivia laid her head on him as the carriage started.

"Surprised?" Elliot already knew the answer.

"Well yeah... I never figured you to be a romantic." Olivia admitted and he understood what the meant.

"Liv it's not about trying to be romantic..." Elliot explained, "It's about making you happy... doing things for to make you smile, surprising you... and hey if that's romance then welcome to your world." Elliot pulled her closer to him and he felt her arm go around his waist. They were silent, there were no need for words... all Elliot needed was to feel her against him, to feel her arm around him... to know that she was right there. Elliot was happy... very happy... in fact he realized how scary being this happy was. Whose scared of happiness? I mean really... Elliot Stabler scared of happiness?? He blamed it on the fear of ever losing Olivia. He knew he wouldn't, she was with him to stay. Elliot closed his eyes and felt their hearts beat together. Yes... if this was happy... then Elliot loved it very much.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I had to cut this chapter short!! So sorry!!!!!! But you're getting chapter clusters again lol. So no worries, once this is up the next chapter will be too :D REVIEW!!!


	12. So Familiar

AN: So last chapter was no drama, could be boring... but my god we needed a chapter of fluff don't you think?? A nice... chapter of non drama and happy sighs :DDD Now say good bye to- no I'm totally kidding haha. Let's see what you guys think of this chapter... get ready...

The shot was clear is a crystal and Olivia jerked her head up, not hitting Elliot's because his head had gone up as well. The carriage came to a complete halt as the horses went crazy, the driver calming them down. There was a scream, another shot. Olivia felt instinct go up, she knew Elliot felt it too. They both got out of the carriage only to see a girl running towards them, hysterical.

"Help! Oh Help me!" She was a mess, her shirt had been torn, her hair out of sorts. Olivia put her arms out to calm the girl.

"What happened?" Olivia asked the girl, Elliot took off his blazer to put it over the girl.

"He, he just came out of nowhere, I was out for a jog and... and he attacked me."

"Where did he hurt you?" Olivia asked in a calm voice and the girl just began to sob all over again, "It's going to be OK sweetie, come on." Olivia wrapped her arm around the girl and looked over at Elliot, "How did he hurt you?"

"H-he told me he was going to... rape me... and he... he..." But the girl was back in hysterics.

"Did you get a good look at him?" Elliot asked the girl and shook her head, not wanting to look up.

"I-it was too dark." The girl was shaking.

"El..." Olivia looked over at him and he nodded.

"I'm calling it in, you stay with her OK?" Elliot took out his phone and went a few feet away.

"A-are you two police?" The girl asked and Olivia was about to tell her that they were detectives for the Special Victims Unit but... she couldn't. Elliot no longer worked for SVU and neither did she... all of the sudden something felt like it was missing.

"We used to be." Olivia answered the girl and she looked scared, "We have over ten years experience dealing with crimes like these." Olivia added and the girl began to calm down.

"So... so you can help me?" Olivia did not know what to say, she wanted to say yes... she would be there all the way, after all isn't that what she did for eleven years? But now she had to tell this girl that she wouldn't be there for her? No... Olivia could not let that happen.

"Yes, I'll help you." Olivia promised and Elliot came back.

"They're on their way." Elliot took a look at the girl, "Why don't we go sit on a bench in a bright light until they get here yeah?" Elliot offered and the girl nodded.

"What's you're name?" Olivia asked the girl.

"Anne."

"We heard a gun Anne, did he try to shoot you?" Olivia asked as they sat down, Elliot stayed standing to keep guard.

"H-he had a gun, it went off... but no it did not hit me." Anne was finally calming down, sirens were heard and to Olivia's annoyance she saw Bryce but her annoyance subsided when she saw Fin.

"Over here!" Olivia called, she saw Bryce's eyes glaze over while Fin actually looked proud to see her sitting with a victim. Elliot turned around and Fin's eyes widened.

"Elliot?"

"Detective." Elliot and Fin wanted to greet each other the proper way but that would have to come later.

"We can take it from here, thanks guys." Bryce pushed past Elliot and Olivia could see a flicker of anger in his eyes.

"I-I want Olivia with me and him... I want him with me too." Anne pointed to Elliot who smiled warmly at her.

"We'll come in with her." Olivia told Bryce.

"But-"

"Their witnesses Brannock." Fin spoke up and Bryce held in a sigh.

"Will you ride with me?" Anne asked Olivia and she smiled at her.

"Yeah honey, Fin?" Olivia looked over at him and nodded in understanding.

"El can ride in front, you can ride in back with her." Fin turned to Bryce, "I'll call for back up so you can start combing the scene." And with that they headed to Fin's sedan. Olivia helped Anne is and sat down beside her, Elliot got into the front with Fin. Fin turned on the sirens and in moments they were at St. Anne's.

"W-what are we doing here?" Anne asked, grasping Olivia's hand.

"We need to make sure you're checked out sweetie, is that OK with you?"

"Will you stay with me?"

"Of course." They got out and headed into the ER. Fin had called it in to the EMS to let them know he had transported.

"It's going to be OK," Olivia held the girls hand, "It's going to be OK, I'm not leaving your side."

***************SVU**************SVU****************

Elliot watched Olivia go into the examination room with Anne, once the door was closed he felt Fin grab him into a hug.

"Uh Fin?" Elliot asked him awkwardly.

"Oh sorry man... sorry..." Fin pulled away and puffed out his shoulders, regaining his manhood, "Just got caught up in the... so you're back huh?"

"It would appear so." Elliot grinned at his old friend.

"Wow... but I thought you left... and now you and Liv... hey why didn't Liv say-"

"I got here today." Elliot answered him and his mouth made an 'O' shape.

"So that's why Brannock's been a prick today. Damn... he must have found out about you... and-"

"Yeah, he came by... told Liv he was sick or something."

"That didn't stop his ass from coming in later after he left, said he was going to Liv's... and then he was back... sneezing and coughing." Fin shook his head, "So what were you and Liv doing in he park?"

"Carriage ride," Elliot smiled proudly.

"And that's when you heard the gunshots?" Don Cragen's voice spoke up from behind him, Elliot turned around to see his old captain looking at him with admiration in his eyes, "Can't take the detective out of a man." Holding out his hand to greet Elliot, they shook.

"Yeah, she says he didn't shoot her but I don't know, there's something strange about it Captain." Elliot spoke as if he were back on the squad, this felt good... familiar...

"Like what?" The captain asked.

"Well, the guy must have run but we heard a gunshot closer to us then the girl was when she came running."

"You're sure?"

"Positive." Elliot watched the captain as he soaked in the information.

"Fin you said that Liv is here?" The captain turned to his detective.

"She's in with the victim right now." Fin confirmed.

"Good, that's good." Then he got a serious look on his face, Elliot was wondering if he was reading his mind, "Elliot now that you're back... have you given any thought to returning to the unit?" How did Elliot answer this? Yes, he wanted to come back... yes... he did. But then he thought about Olivia... and Eli. He couldn't abandon he soon to be new family... wow... Elliot was surprised at his thoughts. Yes, Olivia was always family but this time it was different. He was the provider now... Olivia was the one he would home to and get told hold through out the night.

"I'll have to speak with Liv, captain." Elliot told him but he was sure he wanted to come back and he knew that Olivia would not have a problem with it.

"I understand." The captain smiled at him but his face turned grim when he saw someone enter the building. Elliot turned to see Bryce heading their way and his blood began to boil.

"Captain I have officers searching the scene, I thought I could come down and get a statement." Bryce was obviously sick with a cold, his nose was stuffy and his eyes were blood shot.

"I told you Brannock, I got it." Fin spat out before the captain could say anything.

"The vic is in examination Bryce, I don't think she is in any way to speak about anything. Besides Olivia's in there with her." The captain seemed impatient, this made Elliot wonder what kind of a guy Bryce really was, "Liv can get some information." That's it captain... you tell him, Elliot through proudly.

"But she's a witness, not a cop." Bryce dared to say.

"She's been working Special Victims for eleven years before she left, almost twelve. How long have you been working here?" The captain stared Bryce down who didn't say a word. Elliot found himself smirking but said nothing.

"Fin, she's ready to talk." Olivia came through the door and Fin nodded, "Captain." Olivia saw Don and he smiled at her.

"Olivia." He greeted her, then looking at Bryce, "I am going in there too... I'd like you stay out here Brannock." Elliot shared a nervous glance with Olivia before they disappeared back into the room.

"So... let me guess... you and Olivia were take a lovely stroll in the park when this happened." Bryce began.

"Now is not the time Brannock." Elliot said in a warning tone, "And not that it's any of your business, I took her on a carriage ride so it wasn't a stroll."

"So how long do you think you'll be able to hold onto her?" Bryce challenged Elliot who was truly shocked by Bryce's attitude. Wasn't he supposed to be mature?

"Excuse me?" Elliot asked in an offended tone

"Well... I know how had your ups and down's with your wife... so what makes you think-"

"Don't you dare speak about my wife," That was it, Bryce had overstepped his boundaries, "You think that since you took advantage of Olivia in her state of grief, you know everything about this? You don't." Elliot could feel his temperature rise, "You can think all you want... but I will tell you this." Elliot got closer to Bryce, "I don't owe you an explanation... neither does Olivia. She chose a long time ago what she wanted."

"What makes you think that she won't do to you what she did to me?" Bryce's voice got low.

"Newsflash pal, Liv loves me. There's a difference... you were convenient." Elliot had thought he had a temper, never had he expected Bryce to take a swing at him. Luckily Elliot had worked so long dealing with this that was able to deflect the swing and get Bryce in a lock.

"Hey!" A security guard yelled, "What the hell is going on here?"

"Assault on a police officer," Bryce broke away as Elliot let go of him.

"Wait, you're the officer? I saw you take a swing at him first." The security guard looked peeved, "If you want we can get camera security to get a rewind on it."

"What's going on?" Don left the exam room to see what the commotion was about, "Captain Don Cragen, Manhattan SVU." Don showed his badge and the guard scoffed.

"So which one of these is yours?" The guard asked pointing to Elliot and Bryce.

"Which one works for me?" The captain stayed calm.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Well this one-" The guard pointed at Bryce, "Took a swing at this guy over here," He pointed at Elliot. The captain did not look surprised, in fact he looked annoyed.

"Thanks I'll take it from here." The captain told the guard who looked Bryce up and down before walking away.

"Go home Brannock, my office first thing in the morning." The captain was curt.

"But -"

"Don't tempt me to pull your gun now, come see me in the morning." Bryce then did something that shocked Elliot, he took off his gun halter, his badge and threw it at the captain's feet.

"I quit then." Bryce brooded off and Elliot just stood there in disbelief.

"Elliot." The Captain caught his attention.

"Yeah Cap?" Elliot was still in a daze.

"I'm proud of you." The captain bent down to pick up the mess Bryce had made, "You didn't fight him."

"Well I'm trying this new thing that doesn't involve violence," Elliot smirked, "Besides Liv might have me in the doghouse for fighting." This comment made the captain smile at him.

"Talk to her... I..." The captain paused, "I want you back on the squad... now there's an opening..."

"I'll let you know Cap," Elliot felt something click in him. This was what he was meant to do... help people... he was great at it, he had not realized how much he missed it until that very moment.

"She's sleeping, the doctor gave her something to help her sleep. They want to keep her overnight for observation." Olivia announced as she and Fin left the room.

"Good work Liv." The captain smiled at her.

"Thanks... it's been a while but it felt really good." Olivia smiled, looking over at Elliot who returned the smile.

"Speaking of which... Liv can I talk to you?" Elliot held out his hand and she took it, "We'll be right back." The captain and Fin nodded before beginning to talk. Elliot took Olivia to the vending machines, "Thirsty?" He asked her.

"Oh yeah," He got them two cokes and she accepted the ice cold beverage, "So what's up? You've got your serious face on." Olivia touched his arm.

"I was asked to come back to the squad." Elliot began, "Bryce tried to hit me, I deflected it... nothing really happened. He quit though." Olivia's eyes widened.

"He tried to hit you?! Are you OK?"

"I'm fine baby, I deflected it... got him a hold..." Elliot shrugged.

"Are you telling me that you didn't fight him?" Olivia looked so proud of him he had to grin at her.

"Someone had to to the adult thing." Elliot told her and she leaned over to give him a kiss.

"I'm so proud of you El, so proud..." Olivia ran a hand through his short hair, "So he quit huh?"

"Yeah... and well... Liv I don't know if you're feeling the same way I am but-"

"You want to return to SVU." Olivia looked at him with more pride, "I know the feeling."

"Well... what do you think?" Elliot knew if he went back he would not it affect him like he had with Kathy, no way was he losing Olivia the same way or ever for that matter.

"You need to do what makes you happy." Olivia put her hands on his shoulders, "Do you want to return?"

"Yes." Elliot locked his eyes on her.

"Then return."

"Well what about you?" Elliot pointed out.

"I've got Eli." Olivia shrugged happily, "As much as I miss my job at times... I just remember Eli and how he needs... me."

"It won't be like it was when I was with Kathy, Liv." Elliot had to tell her and she put a hand on his face.

"It won't." Olivia promised him, "El honey it won't."

"So you're sure?" Elliot asked her.

"Yes," Olivia smiled at him and he pulled her to him gently.

"I love you Liv."

"Ditto Stabler." Olivia put her head on his shoulder and he smiled happily, then a thought occured to him, "What if you worked just with the victims?"

"Without being a cop?" Olivia teased him.

"Once Eli is old enough, if you want to... you can come back and doing something... I'm sure the captain would be happy to have you and I know I would. It just wouldn't be the same without you." Elliot touched her cheek.

"I'll think about it." Olivia nodded, "And I mean it... helping that girl tonight... it felt so at home."

"Take your time Liv... just take your time."

"Promise me you'll wait to return though? I mean you just got back and-"

"Liv calm down, I'm not going to start back just yet. I promise... I'm going to talk to the captain about being an on call detective. That way I can still be with you and Eli and if I need to be called then I go in."

"El that's perfect." Olivia truly looked happy now.

"I like to think so, come here." Elliot ignored the people in the hallway as he embraced her and gave her a sweet kiss. He was not going to let anything stand in the way of their happiness... nothing.

Soooo what do you think??? Like? No like? hehe... remember I'm still recovering so if the writing is off... sorry!!! Um, review and review. Let me know what you think and what you want. :)


	13. M is for the way you look at me

AN: I'm so happy you guys liked it!! Yay!!!! And also...THE RATING HAS BEEN CHANGED TO M... I REPEAT!!! M M M M ... so... I'm sure you have been corrupted already but... if you don't know about "It" you should be reading about "it"... even though I know that none of you are going to listen LOL... but I had to say it... seriously major M....

After confirming that Anne had not been raped Elliot and Olivia decided to go home.

"Will you come back in the morning?" Anne had asked Olivia, which Olivia had told her she would. Elliot shook hands with the captain and Fin before they headed out of the hospital.

"Well I have to say that this has been a memorable evening." Olivia said to Elliot with a genuine smile.

"Liv are you sure that-"

"El I'm positive, I'm sure that I want you to go back..." Olivia leaned over and gave him a sweet kiss.

"As long as you're sure... because I mean we just started..."

"El we've been doing this for so long it would seem strange for you to NOT be doing it." Olivia told him truthfully and he nodded in agreement.

"I'm just scared that..."

"That what? That things might go the way they went with Kathy?" Olivia asked him quietly as they waited outside for their cab. Elliot turned to her with sadness in his eyes and felt her squeeze his hand, "It won't..." Olivia promised him.

"How do you know?"

"I know you El... I know you better then I know anyone and I know that you will do everything in your power to put us first." And Olivia was right... he wouldn't let anything happen to cause him to put Olivia and Eli second.

"You know me better then I know myself." Elliot chuckled, putting an arm around her shoulders, "So what do you say to another try?" Elliot asked her, "I'm sure we can find an ice cream shop open this late." Elliot looked at her and she smiled her bright smile.

"Ice cream... mmm..." Olivia closed her eyes and fell into him lightly.

"Or... we can always get something to go." Elliot looked at her suggestively and was pleased to see her smile in a seductive way.

"You know we might not even have to stop... we might be able to... improvise." The mood had changed, however inappropriate it seemed Elliot wanted to pull her into a corner and ravage her but Olivia was too classy to just do that to her. She deserved a bed of rose petals... a bath full of champagne... not hard concrete in her back.

"This cab better hurry up," Elliot said to her in a husky voice. Olivie entwined her fingers in his and as if life was reading their minds the cab showed up. Elliot paid the driver double to hurry... the moment they got back to the house, Elliot had his hands all over Olivia.

"We should get inside before the neighbors call on us for indecent-" KISS, "acting," KISS. Elliot took his lips away long enough for Olivia to unlock the door, Elliot kept his arms around Olivia, rubbing her waist, then her hips. The moment they were inside and the door was closed and locked, Olivia was the one who jumped on him... literally. Luckily Elliot was strong enough to hold her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist, keeping one arm around her, he lifted the other and took the clip that was holding her hair up out. Her hair fell in waves over her shoulders and he shivered with excitement. Olivia tore her lips from his and began to kiss his neck. Elliot fell back smoothly on the couch, Olivia straddling him. His eyes closed as he felt Olivia run her hands across his chest, so delicate... so sweet and loving. Olivia was skilled, he gave her that much.

"Oh Liv." Elliot gasped as her right hand fell to his belt buckle. It was then that Elliot realized that she was still in the sundress... the black dress that was now pushed higher up, almost revealing her. Elliot took his hand and slipped it under the dress, making Olivia gasp this time. Elliot wanted every time they made love to be special... romantic but sometimes... it was just too much. Pulling aside the fabric keeping her from him, Olivia shuddered and grasped his shoulders as he began to explore her with his fingers.

"I want you now." Olivia tod him, her whole body tensing at his touch. Elliot felt her undo his zipper and he lifted his hips so she could expose him. Literally crashing down on him, Elliot was surrounded by her, his heart racing. Olivia knew just how to move and before he knew it was was holding onto her as if his life depended on it, swelling himself causing her to tighten around him.

"Oh god." Elliot panted as Olivia laid her head down on his shoulder, trying to catch her own breath.

"Mmm yeah." Olivia opened her eyes to look at him and Elliot pushed a stray hair out of her eyes.

"I love you so much Liv." He whispered to her and he could see a tear in her eye.

"I love you too El." She sniffled and Elliot studied her face.

"What's wrong?" He asked her, not sure if anything was wrong... he had watched the movies, watched how sometimes women got emotional during the act of love but he had never experienced it firsthand and to see Olivia so fragile made him hold her closer.

"Nothing..." Olivia smiled at him, a tear gliding down her cheek to hit his shoulder, "I'm just... happy." She rolled her eyes at herself and Elliot wiped a tear away, not averting his eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere Liv... do you hear me?" He asked her and she nodded.

"I know." She smiled at him, "That's what makes me so happy... for so long I've loved you from a distance... for so long I had to trick myself into thinking that what I was feeling for you was wrong... it had to be... but here you are with me... it's like seeing a dream that I've always been having come to life." Olivia's admission made Elliot go weak himself, no wonder she was crying... Elliot could feel the emotions inside him begin to overflow as well and he pulled her into a tender and lingering kiss.

"Everything happens for a reason." Elliot whispered to her and she nodded, her hand now running through his short hair.

"Yes it does." Olivia agreed with him. Elliot didn't want her to get up from him but they could not stay there forever... even though he wished they could... but that would be impossible.

"What do you say we take this into the bedroom?" Elliot asked her and she nodded eagerly, "Tell you what... why don't you take a nice hot bath while I prepare a little something." Elliot gave her a smile and she had to kiss him again.

"I want to ask you to join me but... I also want to see what you have planned." Olivia gave him one more long kiss, causing his body to react again but he made himsef keep control.

"Oh trust me there will be plenty of time for that... just got take a nice relaxing bath... and when you get out... well you'll just have to see." Elliot closed his eyes as Olivia climbed off of him, hating the feeling... hate that she was no longer entwined with him. It seemed like he only felt completely whole when they were one. He watched Olivia head to her master bathroom and the water turned on. Getting a happy feeling in him, Elliot made sure he was presentable enough to run out to the store on the corner. Just as an older man was about to close down Elliot stopped him.

"Wait! I need some roses!"

"Sorry pal, we close at 1 AM... it's officially 12:59."

"But it's an emergency," Elliot knew this sounded over dramatic but he didn't care. The older man turned to look at him with a kind look on his face.

"Someone special?" He asked Elliot, smiling softly.

"You have no idea." Elliot pulled out his wallet and the man shook his head.

"Keep your money... I know a man in love when I see one." The man disappeared into the store, leaving Elliot just standing there feeling confused, when the man returned he handed Elliot a couple dozen roses, "On the house... these are my best roses in town... the best flowers for the best love right?" Elliot was truly touched by the gesture.

"Sir I have to give you something." Elliot insisted but the man shook his head and waved his hand.

"Just put the roses to good use... good night." The man disappeared back into the now closed store and Elliot couldn't help but smile from ear to ear. Was it that obvious how much in love he was? He would definitely be back at this store but at that moment he had Olivia to think about. Luckily he could still hear the water running (it was a huge tub) when he got back. Elliot went into her bedroom and set the roses on the bed before finding every single white candle he could find in the house. Luckily Olivia had a great collection of them. Elliot heard the water turn off and smiled to himself as he heard the water splashing slightly. Gad that Olivia was taking her time, Elliot began to set up the bedroom with candles... it felt like hundreds of them... but it had to only be about forty. After he was done lighting them he turned to the roses. Smiling widely, he untied the pink ribbon and crept to the outside of the bathroom door.

Laying a single rose down in front of the closed door, he made sure to make hardy any noise. Elliot laid out rose after rose until there was a trail leading to the bed. Taking the rest of the roses he sprinkled the petals around the bed, then on the bed... he laid the last two roses that were left on the pillows and admired his work. Elliot could hear the water in the tub move around and figured that Olivia was getting out. Elliot decided that he wanted to watch her reaction but not let her know he was... heading behind the door he heard the bathroom door open.

"Elliot!" Olivia gasped out when she saw the first rose... he heard her coming towards the bedroom, surprising her once she was in the candle lit room, his arms snaked around her. She had on just a towel... Elliot loved it, "El... how?"

"Shh... it's not how I did it Liv... just think of it as magical." Elliot whispered in her ear.

"But it is magical..." Olivia turned to face him, her eyes swimming with touched tears, "El this is so beautiful..."

"Only the best for you Liv." Elliot watched as Olivia began to unbutton his shirt.

"One of us is a little over dressed don't you think?" She asked as he let her remove the shirt, her hair was not dripping wet... but it was wet enough to have some waves in it and Elliot ran his hand through her soft locks. Elliot cupped her face with his hands and kissed her softly, letting the kiss linger on... savoring every second of it. Knowing that the towel was the only thing keep him from her made him want her more. He began to lead her to the bed, laying her down gently onto the petals. Olivia opened her eyes to look up at him, the fire from the candles causing shadows to cross her lips. The flames caused her eyes to sparkle more then usual and he leaned down to kiss her.

Olivia wrapped her arms around his shoulders pulling him closer to her, Elliot bit her lower lip before removing his lips from her to kiss her chin, her neck, her collar bone... he came to the towel and opened it gently with his right hand. Olivia took in a deep relaxing breath, allowing Elliot to make her feel wonderful. Elliot swirled his tongue around every crevice as he slowly lowered his body, leaving Olivia where she was.

"El?" Olivia asked curiously.

"Shh..." Elliot ran his hands across her breasts, caressing her nipples a few times before lowing one hand to the spot her knew would drive her wild. Olivia moaned as Elliot inserted a finger into her, his thumb grazing her most sensitive spot. Olivia tightened around his finger as he curled it up to hit her G spot. He hips raised off the bed and he looked down at something he had been longing to do for so long. Blowing on her before making contact, Elliot removed his thumb and replaced it with his mouth.

"OH GOD." Olivia groaned, her hand running through Elliot's hair, guiding him as he pleasured her with tongue, finger and hand. Elliot took his time exploring her, he did not feel the need to rush. Olivia began to squirm some and he knew she was ready. Quickening his pace on her, she gripped his head tighter and then cried out in pleasure, "Oh... Oh... oh..." Olivia was biting her lip, Elliot did not stop... he was determined to give her another orgasm... which he did and she was now soaking his fingers. Knowing she could no longer take the stimulation he removed his mouth and looked up at her.

"You're just full of surprises aren't you?" Olivia looked down at him, her cheeks flushed, her hair disheveled and Elliot gave her a grin.

"I'm not done yet." Elliot whispered to her and she raised her eyebrows. Elliot climbed on top of her, held her gaze as he entered her slowly... softly at first. The look on Olivia's face was of pure satisfaction and he couldn't deny how amazing it had made him to feel to know he was giving it to her. Olivia put her arms around his torso, pulling him deep into her. Elliot gave out a small gasp and her eyes closed slightly.

"Look at me Liv." Elliot did not command her, it was a request. Olivia opened her eyes to look up at him as he thrust into her. Olivia gave him a smile and began to rotate her hips underneath him. Making the contact even more indescribable Elliot was in bliss. Was it possible to combust from just feeling someone? Was it possible to just forget everything and spend the rest of your life just laying there in the arms of the one you loved? Elliot knew it was... Elliot could feel her getting ready to have an orgasm and he held himself in her as she came. Beginning to move again, Olivia's breathing became rapid. Once again she grasped at him, her legs tightening around him, causing him to go off the edge and release all of the sweet tension that had been built up. Over and over again, he released until there was no more. Olivia pulled him down to her so that he knew he could rest his head next to hers.

"I take it back." Olivia spoke to him.

"Take what back baby?"

"This is even better then I could have dreamed." Olivia looked over at him and he just laughed.

"God I love you."

**********SVU**************SVU****************

SOOOOOOO.... now you know why I had to rate it M... lol. I'm sure some of you are just staring at the screen drooling... or maybe some of you passed out... or who knows maybe you were reading this at work and had to hide it while your boss goes by (haha been there....) so let me know... what you think... writing EO sex is so much fun... review!! It keeps me motivated!! And thanks to everyone who wished me to feel better, I'm feeling better already :)


	14. Mommy

AN: So my body decided to trade in a stomach flu for an upper respiratory thing... causing me to be unable to write again!! Well my friend is being really loud right now so I really don't have a choice lol. Here you guys go...

Olivia had fallen asleep in Elliot's arms shortly after the experience, Elliot got up to blow out the candles... then slipping into bed with Olivia he just stared at her. Sleeping... breathing in and out... he felt like the luckiest man alive. He had to be... no way was any other man as lucky as he... Elliot decided to hold Olivia closer and closed his eyes. Listening and feeling her breathing in sync with his he fell asleep immediately, never letting go of Olivia once.

*************SVU******************SVU******************

Olivia opened her eyes feeling refreshed, she could feel two arms cradling her and she smiled. Oh... Elliot Stabler... had proved all of her dreams wrong... he was even better in real life... screw dreams. Sure they might work for some others but.... definitely not for her. Not wanting to wake Elliot, Olivia began to slowly make her way out of bed. She was not surprised when the two arms pulled her back.

"El..." Olivia giggled.

"Mmm... stay..." Elliot told her sleepily.

"Aren't you hungry?" Olivia asked him and he mumbled in reply. She took that as a yes, finally able to get out of Elliot's arms, in which she hated to leave him all alone like that. Her stomach said otherwise. It growled loudly at her as if telling her that she needed food that instant. Feeling a bit nauseous due to hunger, Olivia headed to the kitchen. Eggs, bacon... biscuits... mmm. Olivia took out the supplies to make everything. The whole time nibbling on a piece of already sliced Cheddar cheese. Just as she was putting on the bacon, the door bell rang.

"Eli." Olivia smiled, taking things off of the burner to avoid a blackened breakfast. Rushing to the door, she opened it to see Maureen holding a sleeping Eli.

"He is still worn out from last night," Maureen smiled as she handed Eli to Olivia.

"I bet, come on in Maur, I just made some coffee." Olivia tempted the young woman who smiled.

"I love your coffee." Maureen came inside and closed the front door. Olivia headed to Eli's room and set him on his bed. He mumbled something before nodding off again.

"Liv?" Elliot's voice rang out and Olivia's eyes widened. Oh shit... no wait... oh fuck.

"Dad?" Maureen asked coming into the hallway.

"Maureen." Elliot was now out of the bedroom in loose sweats, no shirt on. If Maureen had not dropped Eli off, Olivia would have jumped on him but now was not the time or place for such thoughts.

"So I see things have progressed." Maureen did not smile, she did not look angry either. She looked like she was trying to process something.

"Honey-" Elliot started to walk towards her, she put a hand up and he stopped. Olivia glanced at him nervously.

"I'm not upset... just a bit shocked. I mean I knew that this would happen, I'm not ignorant... I just didn't expect to witness it." Maureen managed a small smile as she turned to Olivia, "Mom wouldn't have wanted Dad and Eli with anyone else... so just know I'm not mad...." But Maureen went to the door, "I love you guys." And she left. Olivia wanted to follow her but Elliot told her not to.

"I feel horrible." Olivia sighed, looking out the front window as Maureen drove off.

"She'll be OK Liv... she's just in some shock. I'll call her when her shift is over." Elliot offered and put his hand out, Olivia took it and smiled at him.

"Eli is pooped." Olivia decided to let him in on Eli, who was in his room.

"I'm going to go see him," Elliot leaned over and kissed Olivia sweetly before departing from her, "And Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Breakfast smells wonderful." He grinned at her as she rushed back into the kitchen. Luckily nothing had burned, it took Elliot only a minute to come back and join her, "He's getting so big." Elliot sighed as he went to make fresh coffee.

"I know, I can't believe it myself." Olivia smiled at the idea of Eli getting bigger.

"You know I was thinking we could make some things fo a picnic... go to the park later." Elliot suggested as Olivia set a plate of pancakes down on the table.

"I never did get to take Eli to the park..." Olivia bent over to kiss him on the neck and he took her hand gracefully, "What El?"

"Maureen will be OK, Liv... I can tell you're still worried about her."

"Of course I'm worried about her El,"

"Well did you expect us to be a spur of the moment thing?" Elliot asked, not sounding accusing but just curious, "Liv you know that this isn't going anywhere." He looked down at their entwined hands and she smiled at him. Since when had Elliot become such the romantic? Had he always been ths romantic? Had she just never gotten to see this side of him?

"Is is possible to love someone too much?" Olivia asked, gazing into his baby blues.

"Never." He whispered, pulling her to him so he could slip his arms around her waist, kissing her more passionately this time as if showing her how much he did love her. Olivia already knew how much he loved her... she didn't need proof. If Elliot had just said it... done a few things, Olivia would have been satisfied. What Elliot was doing right now was pure heaven, no wonder fairy tales were doubted... because this stuff never seemed to come true in real life. When she felt his arms around her and his eyes on her eyes... she knew that life really was worth it.

"Are you hungry?" Olivia asked him once their lips were apart.

"Starving." Elliot handed her a cup off coffee and she thanked him, "I'll serve since you cooked," El looked over at the dining table and Olivia could feel herself blush from the flattery.

"Why thank you." But just as she was about to sit down she heard movement a few rooms away.

"Mommy..." It was Eli, oh when he yelled out for Kathy it was like a baseball bat shattering hundreds of glasses.

"I'll go." Elliot put his hand on Olivia's shoulder and she watched him disappear to go get the baby. Olivia loved Eli... like he was her own and she had a feeling that she would be the one raising him. So many years Olivia had wanted a child of her own... a baby... someone she could have look at her and know that she was theirs. To hold her hand when they needed help getting up the steps, to cover their eyes when something bad or scary happened. To hold them if they needed to be held... Olivia had always wanted to be the mother she never had. Not to be selfish... but she realized that she had learned from her mother's mistakes. When a child is young, they only depend on their mothers for everything and some children don't get that ever in their lives. It was after working SVU for so long that Olivia really wanted a child that needed her. Yes she wanted to know what the whole pregnancy thing was all about, that would be nice but that was getting ahead of herself. Olivia was happy with the way things were... she had the two men in her life.

"Mommy." Eli was mumbling as Elliot came to the opening of the kitchen, staring at Olivia with Eli in his arms. There was a look on Elliot's face that she could not read for the first time in her life. He looked in somewhat calm shock... no it looked like fear.... no...

"El what is it?"

"Mommy." Eli said again and looked over at Olivia, putting his arms out.

"El?"

"Liv I don't think he's crying for Kathy." Elliot said quietly, walking towards her slowly.

"What the heck are you talking about?" Olivia could feel her heart begin to race as she began to meet Elliot in the middle.

"Mama." Eli looked over at Olivia putting his arms out to her, no... Eli was not calling her that. How could he? Sure she was a mother figure to him but not his real mother... surely Eli knew that... but he was so young... how could he?

"Well Liv?" Elliot held her gaze and she could feel tears of emotions filling her eyes.

"Come here baby." Olivia accepted the baby boy and he wrapped his arms around her, finally content. Olivia searched Elliot's eyes and could finally see the emotion in his eyes. He looked surprised but touched...

"Egg?" Eli spoke to Olivia and she looked down at him.

"You want a pancake too?" She asked him and he nodded his head. Elliot pulled out Eli's booster seat and Olivia buckled him in, "Orange juice?"

"Yeah! Yeah!" Olivia got up to go get him him breakfast but Elliot pulled her to the side.

"Liv... I'm going to go down to the store really quick." No... no this was bad. No El... don't run away from this. Olivia felt like all of her fears were coming true, Elliot was scared, he was leaving wasn't he? He was freaked out by this and Olivia understood. As if reading her mind Elliot touched her chin with his hand and made her eyes connect with his, "Why do you look like I just told you I was moving away to Alaska and never returning?" Elliot's face softened and Olivia tried to make hers but she could not.

"Well aren't you?" Olivia accused him in a sense and he looked taken back.

"Am I going to Alaska? No... thanks but no.... and I really do want to go to the store and get something." Elliot's eyes now held something else, "Liv are you OK?"

"Just go." Olivia sighed, looking away.

"OK what's wrong?" Elliot asked her, not moving out of the way.

"Nothing."

"No sorry, been there, tell me what's wrong." Elliot paused, "Liv if you don't tell me what's bothering you this will just fester and whatever it is I want you to tell me so we can talk about it now."

"El it's nothing." Olivia lied.

"Tell me." Elliot now looked worried, "Is it because... he called you Mommy?"

"How do you know he called me that? I'm not his Mommy." Olivia lowered her voice so Eli could not hear and Elliot's face took a look of understanding.

"Liv are you freaking out because you think I'm freaked out that my son called you that?"

"I think so." Olivia admitted. Elliot nodded and leaned over to kiss her softly.

"I'm not freaked out Liv... I'm... moved."

"Moved?"

"For lack of a better word, yes... I'm moved." Elliot now had tiny tears in his eyes, "I was so scared that Eli would be lost without Kathy, terrified even. What type of child grows up without a mother? Especially mine?" Elliot glanced over at Eli who was playing with a napkin, "But then when I realized Eli was calling you that... it made me remember that Eli is not going to grow up without a mother." Elliot's words were now jerking Olivia's tears ducts as she glanced over at Eli, "Liv whether you like it or not... Eli has named you his other mommy." Elliot reached up to brush a tear away from Olivia's cheek.

"But what about Kathy?" Olivia asked Elliot.

"Eli will always know who his first mommy is, I mean you've got pictures of her for him... no one made him call you that. Look if it makes you feel better all children his age start calling the mother figure in their lives Mommy... it was bound to happen." Elliot turned to his toddler, "Hey Eli."

"Daddy?" Eli answered him.

"Who is this?" Elliot pointed to Olivia who smiled with love at Eli.

"Mommy Livia." Eli smiled proudly up at her and she let out a small laugh.

"And who is this Eli?" Olivia pulled off the picture of Kathy and showed it to him. He put his hands on it and smiled.

"Mommy," Eli answered and Olivia just looked at Elliot with wonder in her eyes.

"He knows his mommy's." Elliot kissed his son and then Olivia on the cheek, "Now I'm running down to the store... for a real reason. I love you both." Elliot slipped on a jacket and headed out of the door, leaving Olivia with Eli...

****************SVU******************SVU*****************

Elliot left the house... he was not upset... he was not angry.... he was feeling happy but guilty for that. So his son had called Olivia Mommy... at first he was in complete shock. Like Olivia had said, why would Eli call her Mom when he already knew his real mother was Kathy? Then Elliot remembered something that Doctor Huang had said, a psychologist for Special Victims. He had explained to Elliot why a little girl who had been kidnapped was calling the perp Mommy, even if she knew she already had a mommy? It was instinct. Elliot had been touched by the fact that his child had given Olivia that name. She had been mothering him for six months now... he was going to be two next month. Elliot was on his way to the store he had been to the night before.

"Good morning," The older man greeted him as he entered the store, "Have a good night?"

"Yes sir, thank you." Elliot smiled at him.

"Must be one special lady."

"Trust me she is...." Elliot looked over at the chocolate selection, which he was surprised at... a bunch of packaged chocolates from Germany... Switzerland, "This is a nice store you got here." Elliot picked up a box of chocolate roses and brought them to the counter.

"It was my father's believe it or not. My son runs it as well... we like it OK." The man rang up the chocolate and picked out a rose to set in the bag, "Free rose with a purchase of chocolate." The man winked at him and Elliot chuckled.

"Thanks again,"

"Next time why don't you bring her in?" The older man asked, "I'd like to meet this woman you keep spoiling."

"Trust me I could neve spoil her, she deserves it too much," Elliot grinned heading for the door, "And yeah I think I will bring her in sometime." Elliot waved and left to go back to Olivia's. Somehow Elliot felt that this man was a Godsend... were there Angels on earth? Who knew... if Olivia had anything to do with it she definitely was one.

"Daddy's back." Olivia said to Eli as Elliot came through the front door.

"Hi buddy." He set the chocolate down but kept the rose in his hand.

"El I made a plate for you, it's ready." Olivia called to him.

"Thank you sweetie." Elliot walked into the kitchen and held the rose out to her, "To celebrate this occasion." He smiled warmly at her as she accepted it.

"El it's beautiful." Olivia leaned over to kiss him and Eli made a raspberry noise with his tongue.

"Haha we get it little guy." Elliot chuckled at his little boy, "You'll understand when you're older." Kissing the top of Eli's head before sitting down to eat his breakfast. Olivia had a look come over her face as she was eating her eggs, "You Ok?" Elliot asked as she shook her head as if trying to shake something.

"Yeah just tired," Olivia smiled at him and he returned it.

"I wonder why." Elliot muttered and felt a foot hit his softly.

"So we're going to the park today." Olivia told Eli who made an excited noise.

"Swings?" Eli asked and Olivia nodded.

"Yup you can go on the swing."

"Yay!" Eli drank his orange juice before taking a bite of his pancake.

"You know I noticed that it's getting cold out, we should take him winter shopping." Elliot mentioned to Olivia.

"I agree, it's supposed to snow next week..." Olivia sighed, "I can't stand the cold."

"Yeah I hate it too but it is October."

"Oh that reminds me, Eli and I were invited to the neighbors for Halloween... which means you're invited too." Olivia told Elliot.

"I would be honored. What do you wanna be for Halloween?" Elliot looked at Eli who made a face.

"Puppy." Eli answered, causing the two adults to laugh.

"A puppy huh?"

"Yeah...yeah... a puppy." Eli kept eating his pancake, "Arf, arf!"

"You will make one amazing puppy little man." Elliot ruffled Eli's hair as she kept making dog noises, "What about you babe? What do you want to be?"

"El I think we're a little old to be dressing up for Halloween." Olivia laughed at him.

"Nah, you're never too old." Elliot grinned at her, "So tell me what do you wanna be for Halloween?"

"I don't know... I never really gave it much thought." Olivia admitted.

"Kitty," Eli looked at Olivia.

"You want me to be a kitty?" Olivia giggled at Eli.

"Meow... meow... yeah... Mommy Liv be a kitty."

"So you gonna get a tail Liv?" Elliot raised his eyebrows at her and she just rolled her eyes.

"Maybe some ears."

"Either one is great..." Elliot winked at her.

"Park now?" Eli asked and Olivia finished her plate.

"Not yet Hun Bun but in a little while." Olivia pulled him out of his booster seat and set him in his play pen which he just looked at her, "What you don't wanna be in there?"

"No..." Eli looked around, "Movie?" Elliot watched the exchange with amusement.

"Ok, Ok... you can watch a movie. How about Tigger?"

"Yeah! Yeah!" Eli got excited. Olivia glanced at Elliot as she picked up Eli and took him in the other room. Elliot finished his coffee, getting a really great idea.

TA DAAAAAAAA

lol... so sorry for the delay guys.

So what did ya think?


	15. Remember

An: So sorry I have not updated, this past year has been really heavy and I wanted to wait until the right time to start updating again so I could give you guys the proper updates. Enjoy and thank you for being so patient!

"Are you finished with the swing?" A woman, with blonde hair asked Olivia as she was pulling Eli out of the toddler swing at the park. The sky was getting dark and they had been at the park for almost an hour now.

"Sure am but it looks like either snow or rain," Olivia smiled as Eli snuggled into her the nook of her arm.

"Wonderful," The woman had on a heavy coat as if she were getting ready for a snow storm and in her arms was a little girl, Eli's age. Olivia smiled good bye at her and began to walk off but was stopped when the woman cleared her throat, "I'm sorry but… can I ask you a question?" Olivia turned around to look at the woman who seemed to have tears forming in her eyes.

"Um… ok." Olivia was not sure how to handle this, what was the woman about to ask of her? Elliot had gone to get the car so she and Eli did not have to walk too long to get in.

"Are you Olivia Benson?" The woman asked in almost a whisper. Olivia bit her lip and looked around.

"Is something wrong? Do you need some type of help?" Olivia had a feeling about this woman but did not want to come out and say it.

"I um…" The woman fumbled with her left pocket as the little girl on her hip sat calmly, as if waiting for her mother to finish what she needed to do, "I got this card from my sister," There it was, one of Olivia's old business cards, "I remember you from when you helped her with a case where she was… um… attacked,"

"I… am Olivia Benson and I have helped more then I can count… I do not work for Special Victims anymore since… well," Olivia looked at Eli and the woman nodded in understanding, "Life happens and there is nothing you can do to stop it… just accept it." Olivia held onto Eli tighter, "Are you in some kind of danger? I can help you in the direction of-"

"My sister died two months ago," The woman seemed to force herself to stay calm, "She died because she let that man that you and your partner arrested back into her life." The blonde was now sniffling, "I kept your card in my pocket… I found it on her desk when we were over for the Fourth Of July and thought of calling you. I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to call you to tell you that he was back but I just could not bring myself to do it. My name is Marlaine by the way," Marlaine shook her head, "I just never got the courage to… I thought that we could get rid of him on our own you know? Anyway, I finally decided to go see if you were there. Since I could not bring myself to call you on the phone, I decided to stop by."

"And… I wasn't there." Olivia finished for her and she nodded, biting her lip, "But there were others you could have talked to Marlaine and I am sorry about what happened to your sister, truly I am." Olivia could feel everything go a little bit darker for her as she was reminded of the harsh realities that she had lived with for so long.

"But I needed you… I asked for you and then remembered Detective Stabler and the captain said the same thing you did. That there were others that could help me but I… chickened out." Marlaine reached into her pocket again, "My sister left a note Detective-"

"That's no longer my title-" Olivia tried to say but she was cut off.

"It is who you are, I know it is not your title anymore but my sister left this letter and she mentioned you." Marlaine held out an envelope that was tattered and torn and Olivia had to compose herself before she lost it, "I read it over and over again but… it's time that you read it." Marlaine sniffled and kept holding it out before Olivia finally took it, "I don't want you to feel bad that you were not there Detective. You cannot save everyone… but you did save me."

"How so?" Olivia asked her voice cracking.

"I was with a man that was exactly like the man that hurt my sister… but when he did that to her and I saw what you and your partner showed me that it was not ok… I got rid of him. His rights were terminated when he tried to take Amber," Marlaine kissed the little girl on her head and smiled, "She will now know that it is not ok to settle for that." And with that Marlaine put Amber into the swing and gave her a soft push, she turned back to Olivia, "Thank you."

"Liv?" Elliot's voice sent a good shock through her but she look at Marlaine one last time, "You're welcome." And then she parted.

"You ok?" Elliot asked her, taking Eli from Olivia.

"I just had a run in with someone we helped… I will tell you later, I am feeling kind of out of it." Olivia could feel herself shaking slightly.

"You sure you're ok?" Elliot looked her in the eyes, "You look kind of pale Liv…"

"I just feel… I don't know… all of the sudden I need to lay down." Olivia coughed slightly.

"You sick?" Elliot asked, taking her hand.

"Maybe," Olivia put her head on his shoulder as they walked towards the car.

"There goes my surprise," Elliot chuckled.

"What surprise?" Olivia asked with a smile on her face.

"It was something… ah… no, I am not telling. It will just have to happen when you feel better." Elliot kissed the top of her head and opened her door for her, before strapping Eli into the backseat.

"Whatever that was really got to me," Olivia cleared her throat, looking down at the letter that was still in her gloved hand.

"Liv, don't let it get you down…" Elliot got into the car with her and leaned over to kiss her nose, "Come on, let's go home, I am going to make you some soup and baby you until the cows come home. How does that sound?"

"Kind of perfect…" Olivia smiled but could not help feeling slightly sick, Elliot drove slowly home and Olivia could still see Marlaine's face.

…OK.

So the reason this chapter is so SADLY short?

My job is 24 freaking 7.

Love you guys and review.


	16. Idea

AN: Due to the fact that the last chapter was so short, I am adding to it since I have the time and hope that you guys will forgive me for giving you such a half… chapped chapter.

The letter was left untouched on Olivia's dresser, since in the short time of the car ride, her head had started to hurt even more. Elliot had taken over and was feeding Eli dinner in the kitchen as Olivia was looking through the TV Guide to see what she wanted to watch. Olivia Benson did not usually watch television. She would have rather put her nose in a good book or just fallen asleep but at the moment she just wanted to have something take her mind off of the headache. Elliot was putting on a good act; she knew that he was concerned for her well being. Without saying anything, Olivia could see that he was worrying deep down that something was really wrong with her. Just like with Kathy, Elliot had not suspected the worst and had not followed his instinct but now Kathy was… gone.

Olivia could see it in his eyes when he looked her over. Olivia promised to go to the doctor if she still felt bad in the morning. She finally settled on some made for TV movie that was not that bad. It starred some Grade C actors who could act but were not on the big screen. Olivia could feel herself drifting in and out of sleep, she was happy to have her alone time. She wanted Elliot next to her at the moment but she knew that Eli was being taken care of so she had no complaints. After waking up for the third time, her headache was finally subsiding. She looked over at the clock and saw that it was already 7:48 PM, which meant that Eli was being put to bed at that very moment.

"Hey babe," Elliot walked into the room and Olivia looked over at him and managed a small smile, "How are you feeling?"

"Better," Olivia whispered as Elliot came to lie down next to her, he slipped his arms around her and she took in his scent. He smelled like the outdoors mixed in with her favorite cologne.

"What are you watching?" Elliot broke the beautiful silence.

"Some… Television channel…" Olivia shut it off and turned to face him, his eyes were closed and she smiled, "Is someone tired?"

"Just a little," Elliot smiled and opened his eyes to stare into hers, "I wanted to talk to you about somethin' Liv." Elliot looked serious but there was excitement dancing in his eyes.

"Ok…" Olivia got comfortable in his arms and was now fully facing him, "What's going on in that Stabler mind of yours?" She ran a finger down his right exposed cheek.

"I understand if you wanna take things slow Liv… so you can say no or maybe or later, really I will be fine with that." Elliot started; he now looked a bit nervous.

"Just spit it out El," Olivia cracked an encouraging smile.

"How would you feel if you and I… we… lived together?" Elliot stared into her eyes, as if his very life depended on it. When Olivia did not respond immediately, Elliot began to ramble again, "I mean, if you are not comfortable with it yet then that is ok, I do not mind keeping my apartment. It's just that I want to be with you Liv, every second of every moment of every day. I want to wake up to you making breakfast with Eli; I want you to wake up to me surprising you with breakfast. I want to be here for when you need a rest or need me for anything. I want it all with you Liv… so I just thought that maybe we could… but if you do not think that it's the right time or it is too fast-" Elliot was silenced by Olivia's lips gently on his, he gladly took the kiss and pulled her closer to him. When the kiss ended, Olivia managed a tiny laugh.

"If you had given me a moment you would have heard me say Yes," Olivia said to him, "That was nice to hear though…"

"You sure?" Elliot asked gently, "I mean… if you have any hesitancy about it Liv, just let me know now, I mean… I do not want to do anything to screw this up-"

"El! Breathe and let me answer you, you stubborn thing you," Olivia had no forgotten she had ever felt under the weather, "If there is anything I have learned from all of this… it is to not take things for granted. We lived so long going by the book and how things were supposed to be… El… that's not us. I think we have some time to make up for and… moving in together sounds like a perfect step to where we want to be… are supposed to be. So… yes El… I would love for you to move in here." Olivia was delighted to see Elliot's reaction. If she had been feeling better, he might have picked her up and swung her around the room but instead he settled for a kiss.

"I love you Olivia," Elliot whispered in her mouth.

"I love you too Elliot," Olivia whispered back.

"How are you feeling?" Elliot asked her, rubbing her back softly.

"Honestly?"

"Of course,"

"I still feel pretty bad." Olivia sighed, "My headache is gone but I just feel kind of… off?" Olivia sighed as she saw that worried look in Elliot's eyes.

"Liv… I don't want to be a nag or anything but… I really think that you should go to the doctor tomorrow… just to make sure… I mean-"

"El… it's ok. Please don't apologize for worrying about me, I really have never had anyone to worry about me until you. So please don't be sorry about it ok?"

"Ok,"

"Now, I have a doctor's appointment for the day after tomorrow, womanly thing so… I will just rest tomorrow and let you baby me. Hey, maybe Fin can help you move your stuff or…"

"We can worry about that later babe, just sleep for now ok?" Elliot kissed her forehead.

"I am not tired," Olivia lied.

"Oh no? Well… what would happen if I did this?" Elliot began to rub her back, gently massaging her.

"El…"

"Go to sleep Liv… I will be here when you wake up." Elliot kissed her for the last time that night as Olivia dozed off into sleep, feeling the comfort of Elliot next to her.


	17. Surprise

AN: I know I still have other stories to update but this one needs an update!

Olivia did not feel better in the morning; in fact she had woken up around four in the morning, having to make camp in the bathroom. Elliot had gotten up to take care of her, she had tried to go back to bed but she just kept on getting sick. It was around 6 AM when she was finally able to go back to sleep, Elliot on the phone talking to people.

"Liv? I need to take you to the hospital babe," Elliot whispered into her ear as her eyes were closing.

"El, I am fine." Olivia's voice was weak and she felt dizzy.

"Olivia, you are dehydrated. I called Kathleen and she is on her way to watch Eli, please Liv… please let me take you to the hospital. The doctor will just tell you to go there anyhow."

"I feel too bad," Olivia admitted and Elliot laced his fingers into hers.

"I will carry you," He promised her and she felt her head start to pound.

"No…" Olivia then started to feel like she was sinking, her eyes became heavy and then black came. In one moment, Olivia was no longer in her bed, resting next to the man she loved but in a white room. She knew that she was dreaming, she looked down and saw herself on the bed, Elliot trying to wake her. Then all of the sudden she woke up, her eyes opened and she saw that she was in a hospital bed.

"Liv?" Elliot's voice sounded far away and she tried to speak but her throat was dry, "Liv, blink if you can hear me baby." Olivia blinked and Elliot let out a sigh of relief, even a small sob as if he had been hanging in the air and now he was back on the ground.

"What happened?" Olivia croaked, her voice sounding scratchy.

"You passed out… you just…" Elliot shook his head and he sounded like he had been crying for some time, "I thought…"

"El… I'm ok…" Olivia squeezed his hand, "Hey… look at me." Olivia watched as Elliot Stabler crumbled underneath whatever pressure that was on his shoulders.

"Kathy…" Elliot choked out and Olivia became confused for a second before she realized what Elliot was talking about. Olivia knew what was coming and she decided to listen before she spoke. Elliot's hands shook as he held onto her, "Kathy passed out before… Liv when I saw you not responding… it was like I was back there… back to that night…" Elliot explained.

"I'm so sorry…" Was all Olivia could say, her own voice breaking. She knew that Elliot loved her with every ember of his being but Kathy had been his wife and mother of his children. She would always have a place in Elliot's heart.

"I was so helpless…" Elliot all of the sudden stopped crying and stared at the wall in front of him, "I knew that something was wrong and yet… I did nothing." Elliot's eyes were rimmed red and wet. Olivia longed to wipe his tears for him.

"El… what happened was not your fault," Olivia told him with conviction.

"I should have…"

"Don't do this to yourself baby… look at me," Olivia told him but he didn't, "Elliot look at me. Please…" It must have been the please that got him and he turned his head to look into her eyes, he looked so lost but she knew that she had it in her to bring him back. "I am right here… breathing… and fine." Olivia told him and with what little energy she had, she tugged on his hand, "Come here." Elliot seemed to be walking in sand but he got up and came over and put his free hand through her hair, then he kissed her with a softness that lingered.

"Liv,"

"Hold me," Olivia whispered into his ear and Elliot crawled in next to her, his body pressed against hers and his arms holding onto her as if he would never let go, "I'm here and I am alive," Their breathing became in sync and Olivia felt him calm down.

"Ah… you're awake." A woman in a doctor's jacket walked in and Olivia smiled at her.

"Am I ok?"

"I would say you are better than ok…" The doctor smiled as a nurse came in with a strange looking machine that Olivia was embarrassed to not recognize, "However you are going to feel like you are dying for the next few months but that will go away…"

"Oh my God," Elliot said behind Olivia when he saw the machine.

"What's going on?" Olivia could not help but feel anxious.

"Liv… oh my God…"

"Ok can someone please fill me in?" Olivia felt her energy come back a little bit as Elliot sat up.

"We tested you for pregnancy and it came out positive." The doctor's voice was surreal; Olivia had played it over in her head so many times. A doctor telling her that she was pregnant but it never happened… she must have been dreaming.

"Is that even possible?" Was all Olivia could say and the doctor laughed.

"Well if you have been having sexual intercourse then yes… it is very possible."

"But I went to a doctor a while ago and they said that I probably had only a ten percent chance of getting pregnant."

"Well that percentage was on your side," The doctor shot her a smile and then looked at Elliot, "I take it you're the culprit?" She smiled.

"Guilty is charged," Elliot sounded elated and in shock, "Is this really possible? I mean… we just started… um…"

"The hormone was evident and the blood test can sense the hormone after 7 days of conception."

"Wow." Elliot and Olivia said in unison.

"So… we are going to do an ultrasound, just to check, changes are we won't see the fetus right now since it is the size of… well the tip of a needle but we can make sure you are doing ok down there."

"So… you are telling me that I'm pregnant?" Olivia asked, still in disbelief.

"I take it that this is your first?" The doctor laughed kindly.

"I just… I can't… I am in shock." Olivia felt Elliot run his hand through her hair.

"I hope it is happy shock," He teased her.

"Well… of course it is happy shock… I am just having a hard time believing it." Olivia admitted as the nurse set up the ultrasound machine.

"Do you mind if I stay?" Elliot asked her.

"Of course you can stay," Olivia told him and any traces of sadness he had shown earlier was now gone. Elliot removed himself off of the bed and Olivia watched as the procedure took place, everything looked good and more blood was drawn to see if her levels were rising. Once they were alone Olivia looked at Elliot who was grinning softly, in fact he looked like he was the one glowing.

"We're going to have a baby…" He said to her as she felt like she was going to be sick.

"Yeah… a baby,"

"You can't believe it can you?" Elliot looked a bit sad at this but his grin came back as if encouraging her.

"Do you know how long I have been wanting hear the words that the doctor spoke to me? So long I never thought I would hear them." Olivia for some reason refused to believe it; she could not take it if it was not really happening or if something happened to the baby.

"Believe it," Elliot walked over to her from the window he had been looking out of and set a hand on hers, "Why won't you let yourself be happy?"

"Honestly?" Olivia muttered.

"Honestly…"

"I feel like I have been run over by a steam roller," Olivia smiled at him and he laughed.

"Yeah… pregnancy will do that to you,"

"I think that I am just in shock," Olivia admitted and Elliot nodded.

"Very understandable babe," Elliot looked at her with so much love that Olivia thought that he was going to combust.

"Good news," The nurse came in and smiled, "Your levels are going up which means that you are pregnant so…. Here," She handed Olivia a piece of paper that showed numbers and positive results, "I thought that… maybe you might need some proof… congratulations." The nurse smiled and touched Olivia's hand, "The doctor wants to give you some vitamins and some more IV fluids and then you are out of here." Olivia watched the nurse leave and she stared down at the numbers, her eyes filling with emotional tears.

"Now can you believe it?" Elliot asked, sounding moved himself.

"This is really happening?" Olivia wiped her eyes after a tear fell onto the paper, smudging the numbers.

"It really is…" Elliot leaned down to kiss her forehead and she looked up at him, giving him a kiss that conveyed a million words  
"I love you," Olivia all of the sudden started to feel it… the happiness.

"I love you more," Elliot nudged her nose with his.

"Thank you," Olivia's voice broke.

"For loving you?" Elliot teased.

"For making me a mother… for real."

BIG AWWWWWWWW…. Ok so everyone who bugged me about Olivia getting pregnant. TA DA!

Alright guys, I gotta go update my other stories. I only have a few more weeks to tie up all of my stories before my busy summer begins. Love you guys! REVIEW! Please?


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